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Together we are a community. Together we are strong!

When I was a freshman in High School, I was friends with a person that other people thought was strange. He and I had been friends in Middle School, and I stayed friends with him in High School. After high school, we lost touch. He went off to a college out of state, I drifted off to college, and we stopped talking. In fairness, this is in the days before Facebook, before email and cellular phones. I ran into his mother at the store a couple of years after high school. She looked sad. I asked her why she was sad. She informed me that my friend had killed himself in his dorm room. I know he was bullied all through school. I also know that when I was around, the bullies left him alone.

I am not physically scary, just that the bullies knew I would stand up and say what you do and say matters. I am standing up now. I should have stood up before. I will not tolerate nasty negative comments on my posts. If you wish to disagree with me, that is perfectly fine. Please feel free to do so unless you break the first rule. If you post nasty comments on my posts, once I will accept any apology offered. If you do it twice, I will no longer interact with you. There is no place here on Virily for bullies. There is no justification for attacking people. Ideas can be attacked. People should never be attacked. Going forward, I am going to consider what the options are for dealing with users that post attacking comments on the posts of people I consider to be my community.

Another rule that is really critical. If you carry nasty comments to another platform beyond Virily that is actually quite mean.

People post on Virily because it is a safe haven. Let’s work hard to keep it that way.

My grandfather always taught me two lessons. The first is to be aware of your impact. The second is family comes first. I consider the Virily Community to be my family. Sure we have the crazy Uncle and the strange neighbors. We have an occasional issue, but we are a powerful community. One that I believe in. Virily has paid us for more than two years now. That is a year longer than Niume did. That is longer than many sites. While they stopped paying for a while, that only surpassed by MyLot and some of the other more established sites that I know of. Please note, that is wholly my opinion, I haven’t checked all the writing sites to know for sure.

We are strong if we are together!

  • Will you share the Nicest thing someone has said to you online?

    • Yes
    • No
  • Do you rely on the help of others?

    • Yes
    • No
  • Has someone ever stood up for you?

    • Yes
    • No
  • Have you ever stood up for someone?

    • Yes
    • No

What do you think?

23 points
Legend

Written by DocAndersen

I am a long time blogger and technology poster.I focus on what is possible, but I also try to see what is coming. In recent years I have been focused on sharing the memories of my family, as part of my Family History Project.

85 Comments

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  1. No one has ever been mean to me here.
    I have had to block on mylot and I have been blocked, I had my feelings hurt several times there, once about my religion. Trusted a couple that broke that trust.
    But it is a fact that we all won`t ever get along, to many wants to rule the world.

    • I completely understand that. There are sadly many levels of rude.

      1. don’t read the post and leave a comment that isn’t relevant to the post
      2. leave a demeaning or degrading comment
      3. copy and paste comments
      4. leave a comment or send a message to a user that is hurtful on another social platform.

      It is a problem for a few people I know.

  2. Great post Doc. I totally agree with what you say. Unfortunately, there are people who feed on intrigue and disunity! These are part of their life, perhaps lacking in joy and satisfaction. However, I hope Virily will remain a friendly place.

  3. So sorry that had to happen to your friend. I have been lucky and have only good things to say about the sites I write on and the people I have met online. However, one of the other sites I also write on myLot is a very friendly community also but there have been people who have complained about rudeness and have been suddenly blocked and had to block others and I hate when that happens in a friendly community. Well, you know I am speaking the truth since we seem to follow one another pretty much in the same communities. I sure hope it continues to be only positive vibes here.

    • Wanted to separate out my reply. My friend left a notebook. I knew he was bullied often when I wasn’t around in High School. I was the class clown and was allowed to float amongst groups. But in the notebook he left, the bullying continued into College. I knew it was happening. I did little to stop it other than when I was around.

      I feel will never allow someone to be bullied again.

    • I have to say myLot is extremely toxic place… I was attacked from my first day there for no reason – actually for the very wrong assumptions of my posts there… It is also very bad that when you act nicely there are people who will react with a tone to that, so if you react to That because Of Course you get irritated by that, some other “nice” people come and
      include themselves in such arguments as “advocates” and provoke you by their constant irritating comments to react, then get banned for that, while they so “naive and fine” stay there wining how “other people” are bad and not them pretending being ‘innocent”… I actually notice some people are like that here too…..

    • I never had anyone be mean to me here, mylot? There is one that cussed me when I asked him to get mental help, he got so bad I asked the staff for help and got it. Another called me names because of my religious belief and I nipped that and blocked.

  4. we’ve discussed this before: I think globally folks are becoming increasingly rude and specifically on the net where they have some expectation of anonymity, folks are comfortable being jackasses because they feel safe from retribution…

  5. I think a strong community with good friendships are vital. I don’t like bullying of any kind and sometimes I try to make peace with people.
    Communication should have clear guidelines on VIRILY and insulting language should not be used by anyone.
    I have recently reads some comments on virily posts that have been quite upsetting and I want to be friends with everyone.
    However, I don’t like being insulted and I don’t to see others being insulted.

    Bullying is a huge problem in New Zealand and we have the most percentage of suicides in the world…due to this problem.
    It happens in every place of life, domestic violence,,schools , parliament, workplaces

    Its hard to deal with..

  6. I agree with your words. I am absolutely against such behavior. Everyone has the right to express his own opinion, so I have not written a negative commentary. I always say that if someone does not like to ignore it. That’s what I do.

  7. Two of my friends in high school did not like each other. One of them told me I had to pick between them. I told the one girl that I liked them both, and I would not choose. The one girl did not hang around with me as mUCH, but then at the end of the school you she told me she found out I was right, and the other girl was nice too. If THE one girl would have given her a chance things might have been better. She learned a lesson i do believe. I will stand up for things I believe in.

    • You are very nice and kind…

      I will tell you what is the problem… I and Doc had disagreements (I am very sensitive to some rigid and in-sensitive understandings of things and I react)… I also sometimes say some things to other users which he interprets in his Own way, then Elaborates them in his articles (anonymously – not saying my name but I know who he thinks…) while interpreting me the way he Thinks is the true (involving himself in my own personal conflicts that way but minding when someone says to him “I don’t like and don’t think it’s fair you are reporting some nice people” – so it is kinda hypocritic, don’t you think… πŸ˜‰ )… Then (of course) I react… He doesn’t like that and calls me “negative”, a “bully”, etc. not seeing his own wrong acts… Even when I’m actually providing some very Valid info… – of course, he reports such comments too…
      But nevermind…….. ;)))

    • Doc… Just one more info for you – why we had disagreements in the first place…

      When you said opening articles without reading them is “gaming the system” and frustrated me for the whole of my being here after that (till then I was playing, enjoying and having much fun!!! :)) I already gave you my arguments why you are Wrong…, but I forgot to say one thing…: do you really think it’s Possible to Read all the 200 articles in a day (which is the Daily Limit for opening posts) and that Admins would Even Provide That and Make It That Way if that was “gaming the system” of if they Looked at those things that way….. Or “maybe” there is a Reason they made it that way so they could provide the traffic and even earning of this site after all…..

      Not to forget I received 2 Badges recently for being Smart after writing my posts about earning more by visiting and opening old inactive users posts and that that way they could come back to the site, like stbrians recently actually did and even said that in his post…..

      Best…..

    • …And you can also ask LaJenna here if I was right about the editing drafts problem – was it what You said or was it what I said — the Edit Button….., so sorry for correcting you… (I hope correcting isn’t “bullying”…..)

    • PS Doc, also not nice of you you reported my Correct comment in one of yours posts I gave as the reply and Info to one other user (Witty Feeds if I remember correctly) about the number of views in articles he asked about… Seems I was also right about that (that it is Not correct and calculates ALL views – even our own) since, thankfully, the comment was back by the admins… πŸ˜‰

  8. Great post Doc. We should all be kind to one another. Both online and in our lives. Our personalities in life, I believe, often carryover to our online sites. There are many unhappy people and bullies are created unfortunately. They will always be around. But we can choose how we interact, or not interact with them.

    How are you? Those are three nice words I only read every now and then. And if the person asking truly wants to know, it of course means more than ever.

      • Yes indeed they can be very powerful, if they are genuine.

        I also have to add to my answer, after reading Kim’s thank you post this morning.
        She wrote… “By being so open about Dustin’s passing you have made me feel like I knew him. You have inspired so many of us in so many ways, and kept his memories alive in all of us. Thank you for that.”

        She thanked me for talking about my son. I hesitate to talk about him sometimes, not wanting to make others, and Kim thanked me. Means the world to read those words.

        • I have to say, since the first time you talked about Dustin and what happened, I have spent a lot of time reading about that topic.

          I know as a parent, you helped me think about the impact of being a young person in the modern world. It isn’t easy and your sharing helped me see that with my own kids.

          • Oh wow, that means a lot Doc. If I can help just one person I feel my purpose is served. I wish others would talk about suicide and ask questions, we all need to learn more. It is such a taboo word. But the reality is it happens every single day.

            Thank you for sharing. You made my day.

  9. I try to remain positive in life and always smile in all situations, and as Ghostwriter said to always be thankful. While I don’t earn much on Virily, I’m still glad to be a part of this community because I don’t take things for granted.

  10. I like virily and that’s why I’m here. I personally had no quarrel with anyone. There are people who really deserve some warning about their harsh biting comments. I do not know English, and if the translation is not accurate I apologize.
    Thank you, Doc, for making this post

  11. Excellent written post, my dear friend …. I never had any good experiences with anyone on Yirily … it is true that there are some special people I do not cooperate with … I do not like to crawl and I prefer to retire

  12. I think the matter should be decided by Virily. There must be guidelines. Altho since we are not kids, we should know how to conduct ourselves even without guidelines.

    I also met bullies in FB and never have problem dealing with them.

      • Handling a bully, for me, is part of my pixieness though πŸ˜‚. I have to confess I usually engage anyone who thinks he or she can bully me. I have two simple reasons: 1)to understand their POV and see whether or not they can support it until the end; and 2)bcoz their comments ensure my post is bumped up in the newsfeed πŸ˜‚. See, it works on our favor in the end. Depending on whether to take it as insult or compliment. I take it as compliment. Why not? The person is wasting time on me therefore I conclude I am important enough in his or her galaxy πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜œ

        • I worry sometimes though. First, my Virily platform is pretty good (not as good as it was on Niume, but growing). So I don’t want to give someone like that an extended audience.

          The other side of it is, I am not a pixie πŸ™‚

    • The problem is also what is found as “nasty” and “attack”… My comments were reported here even when genuine and valid ones – when I am giving information…

      Thankfully, the admins recognize what is valid and what is not and bring those comments back!

      • And here it is again…….! The author of the text reports my every comment in all of his articles but is not familiar that comments are not deleted because someone has disagreements with someone but when comments are not Valid…..
        Thank you, “moral” man….. – yes, this is what he calls “negativity” and “attack”…..
        Best!!!…..

  13. There are two simple words that when uttered with sincerity that mean the most to me and are the kindest thing someone can say “Thank You.”

    The last thing my brother in law said to me was “Please remember that life is not hard, just pay attention and say “thank you”. I should begin every day with that. I think I will from now on.

    And Doc,
    Thank you!

  14. I am new here so i probably don’t understand the undercurrents. But, I am with you, I hate people being nasty to one another and will have nothing to do with them. So far I am fine here.. people have been very good to me.

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