DocAndersen
Connected or Disconnected, it is a question that many people ask today. The first part of the question comes from the separation of what people now call the real world (IRW or IRL) With the two acronyms meaning in The Real World or real life. First, can I tell you that it makes me laugh that people refer to the world away from online, as the real world? To me, and I realize I did not grow up in the computer age, I was alive before the computer was big, well, that isn’t true. When I was little, computers were not big for homes, but they were physically huge. They filled rooms and basements and entire areas of buildings with a computer that was frankly not as capable of calculations as your smartphone is today.
The reason it makes me smile is that computers and virtual/augmented reality are part of the real world. There is no essential difference between you online and you offline. A good friend of mine at the University of South Carolina (although he is moving to a new job, on a tenure track at a different university) has been working on a study for a long time. It currently helps up in legal, but the intent was to see if people understand that we are in the real world. That what we see and do online, is still part of the real world. There might be situations where we do some level of separation between us and the things online, but the reality is, who we are in the same in either place.
It is easy to get lost online. To dive into the world that exists at your fingertips. With VR/AR, you can even reach out towards that world beyond your fingertips, but it is while part of the real world, no different in the end. There is not IRW or IRL. You are IRL in real life when you type in real life to someone. One of the questions my friend asked several people is how I am going to end my post today. It was a question he first asked a bunch of us about ten years ago. We were all together for a seminar on communication, and he asked this question. It was the basis of his study, and it is one question that I find hard to shake all these years later.
“Do people that physically sit in rooms with you, an nd people that know you online think the same of you?”
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Question of
Do people that physically sit in rooms with you, an nd people that know you online think the same of you?
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Yes
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No
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Question of
Have you ever said something in a private message that you would not say to a persons face?
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Yes
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No
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Question of
Do people generally look forward to interacting with you?
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Yes
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No
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Question of
Does civility matter IRL and Online?
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Yes
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No
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I think I am the same person. Doc, I am terrified, I have read an article by Grace, she says there are not advertisements on Virily. If there are no ads on Virily, Will the site survive????
grace struggles with anything real.
at best.
the targeted ads are still on the site.
ads for the real world, and sweet home caroline.
Grace is hardly reliable.
Thanks a lot. I feel better now.
i understand completely! best to confirm!
There is no difference between bring online and offline because essentially it’s the same you. Some people can hide behind their masks online which only shows their other personality side.
People tend to rely on answers online than offline especially depressive questions.
it is a sad reality when people hide behind their masks!
Yes. Since no one knows them they do unbelievable things.
they do, it can be a little scary but it is a lot sad.
I am the same online and offline.
i think that is important that we behave the same regardless of where we are!
I write the way I speak. I respect every person I am dealing with at a time. I speak, behave, conduct myself truthfully.
what more could we ask – that is the great way to be! thanks for the comment!!!!
Now, will the real Doc Anderson stand up! 🙂
I watched an experiment on one of those reality shows. Several people entered a social media experiment. I think there were ten of them. They all move into this apartment building. Each has their own apartment, with this big screen. They can either be themselves or be a catfish, and enter this chat room type social media project. Three of them were catfish. The prize was 100K. At the end, all but one was found out eventually. It is hard to not be yourself online. The winner was this cute guy who was totally himself. It pays to be real.
I am who I am, off on on.
i believe that you have always been stand up in my book!
now using lines from old games shows, makes me suspect you may be hiding something!
I knew you’d remember that line. I always got the person wrong. They tricked me every single time. I do hide stuff..Like my keys… that paper that was just here, etc…
my grandmother was a game show addict. so when i was there, I guess i was as well
I believe you’ve got to be yourself. Split personalities soon come to light and show the division within. Be the real you is my mantra.
i agree! Who we are can’t be bifurcated, that results in pain for ourselves!
Q: DO PEOPLE THAT PHYSICALLY SIT IN ROOMS WITH YOU, AN ND PEOPLE THAT KNOW YOU ONLINE THINK THE SAME OF YOU?
Yes (7 votes) – 70%
No (3 votes) – 30%
Q: HAVE YOU EVER SAID SOMETHING IN A PRIVATE MESSAGE THAT YOU WOULD NOT SAY TO A PERSONS FACE?
Yes (3 votes) – 33%
No (6 votes) – 67%
Q: DO PEOPLE GENERALLY LOOK FORWARD TO INTERACTING WITH YOU?
Yes (8 votes) – 80%
No (2 votes) – 20%
Q: DOES CIVILITY MATTER IRL AND ONLINE?
Yes (11 votes) – 100%
it is interesting – the spit of the poll for question 1 is nearly exactly the split my friend has found so far (68% of people saying that they are seen as being the same online and offline. 32% of people saying they are different).
Based on the very interesting content above, Doc, I have answered in the affirmative, but it really isn’t a black or white matter because there is a certain kind of acceptable protocol, a type of code of practice we are expected to maintain online, whereas offline we have another element entirely called “face value” where body language plays a huge part and ultimately influences or manipulates a politically correct persona, almost at will.
yes, the reality is there are differences between the two you’ve captured that well. The study focuses more on the Macro level, do you have substantive differences between the way you behave online and the way you behave offline.
The perfect example –
the person that lives next door to you. Greets you, smiles at you every day, and even helps you unload groceries from the car.
Meanwhile online they are draining your bank account and destroying your credit as a hacker.
I’m more “chatty” online than face to face …
but my vocab/language made my expression bad sometimes.
that is within the range of acceptable variance. It means that you are shyer or reserved in person. You don’t have the limiters online that you do when being physically in a room with people!
I am always the same, nowhere do I pretend and lie. Which I cannot say for many people.
i can see that! you are what we call a stand-up person in the US.
Thanks for the kind comment. I’m really independent, that’s what life taught me.
I’m exactly the same online as it really is … nice and accessible …. but I get the feeling that some are very pretending
i do get that impression often as well. I am probably a bit more “bossy” in the real world.
However, this is not a bad trait ….. you still need to know who the boss is if everything is within normal limits
you do sometimes, it is important that we have the concept of leaders, thanks pal!
I think so too, dear friend
I am the same but I know many are not.
Many are not, but we do what we can do and move on!
Very true, we should stay real no matter what.
sometimes we have to act like every word we say to someone is the last one they will ever hear.
Sometimes I it easier to communicate on line but to meet someone in person is another thing.
Being polite is better than nothing on or offline.
I am careful but sometimes not aware that someone will add 2 and 2 and make 146 instead of 4. That is often because of cultural differences. On and off line.
However, a person may show one face to you online and you can have a completely incorrect estimate of them
this is very true thank Pam, you captured this well!!!
You raised a good question and I do believe that there are lots of people who live in a dream world online. Hopefully those that do this will come to realize that it is all part of life and not a separate one.
i do truly hope that is true!
I’ve noticed that some people do behave differently online than they would do offline, when there is a rather higher chance that their online behaviour would get them punched in the face if they did it offline.
i know many online who are justified in the behavior. But you are right in the world we sometimes have to consider the fact that the person we are addressing is bigger than us!
It’s not just that too. Some people seem to think that distance means that common courtesy can be neglected. It’s possible to disagree with someone without launching a personal attack at them, which sadly some people don’t seem to believe.
yes we have a couple of people here that love to do that. it is sad. I feel bad for them.
I find no difference in how I interact with others. I’ll give you an example. For about 2 years I worked with one woman in the same place. I thought we knew each other well. We went out with or without occasion as close friends. A month and a half ago she decided to go to work in Austria for more pay. She had more internships in this house than I did – about 4 years. And when we had to talk to the relatives of the lady I work with, how will we proceed in the future. I was unpleasantly surprised. I heard so many lies and words that I was offended. I just had to defend myself. And I continue to work here. With this example, I confirm my view at the beginning.
you are a good person. you did the right thing. I am so sorry that happened to you.