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You cannot choose love, but you can choose who you stay with…

You cannot choose love, but you can choose who you stay with –  the phrase yesterday heard when I watched the film.

This reminded me of one woman I knew years ago. When I asked what she was most afraid of, she said that is afraid to fall in love with someone outside the family because it would mess up such a fragile happy life. It may not destroy the family, but the foundations will wash out, she said, at that time she was just twenty-five. She was really loving couple with her husband, married very early and raising three children – twins and one more.

Did they manage not to sail on the reefs? I do not know; life has taken us far away from this couple. I very much hope that she or he did not fall in love with someone outside and they are happy together. 

Because falling in love – it is not yet true love. Falling in love comes like a natural disaster, tear off all the roofs and safety ropes, lift from the ground as if on the wings, but it is important not to burn them. The trouble is that it can end up as fast as came – butterflies in the belly one day experience a coma or flying out where the heart beats a more passionate rhythm.

It is true that sometimes the first hurricane of feelings turns from falling to love to the true love. But just sometimes. No matter how much we have read or dreamed of fatal love, it really happens much rare than we would like. More often, we are devastated by typhoons of love, bringing ephemeral euphoria, and then leaving the ruins.

True love is something else. It takes time first. And a long runway to get up and take you both into that beloved heaven. Really love requires patience, tolerance, challenges, good “fertilizer”: attention, quality time together, patience to listen and hear another one, etc.

Love requires that the ego be clogged and not make waves – you learn it if you want to maintain relationships. Love needs the determination to be together. And that determination and choice must be consolidated on a daily basis: wake up, drink coffee and look at your loved partner with new, cherishing eyes. And say to yourself – I choose to be with this person, I can live without him but I do not want to because I just really love him.

The words and thoughts have the power to pull us out of the routine, which usually kills the couples and their feelings. And part with your loved one every time as if you were saying goodbye forever. Because you never know what can happen. At least that is how my beloved taught me – say goodbye every time like forever and necessarily say “love you”.

 Be loved and happy. 

© Fortune, 2009

  • Whether fidelity is still a value to you?

    • Yes
    • No
  • Do you believe that falling in love and true love are different feelings?

    • Yes
    • No

What do you think?

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Written by Fortune

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8 Comments

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  1. Well-written article.

    I wonder how does God’s love fits in with the idea of true love in the human sense, or of the falling in love feeling, which seems to unbalance one at times, with the over the top wanting of the love fantasy to continue, forever, unabated.

    God’s love is eternally powerful, whereas human love is come and go, hit and miss, but true love is where we see deeper, past the surface attraction, and so the true love in us connects with the true love in another person, and so we see and connect to the God, and the God-like love, in both of ourselves too, which allows for a give and take attitude to develop in us, and for us to be compassionate, understanding, and patient, or for all of the gifts of love to be lived from, and to come out of love, in one then too.

  2. Every word you say here is so true.. You can be attracted to a person and have lots in common but true love is merged over time…As you said, patience, listening and willing to help each other in life.
    Trials come and one must work through them….

  3. I always think when we really fall in “love”, that’s true love. We might be fallen in “love” with someone, but later we found out we might not be suitable to each other, and later we separate… I always think it’s because that’s not really the “true love”. It’s still “love”, but we might be deceived by ourselves or we didn’t know at that time it’s actually not “true love”.

    Sorry that this sounds quite confusing. I don’t know why since I was young, I always believe there’s a Mr. Right or Mrs. Right for anyone, it’s just the matter whether we have found him/her or we are able to find him/her.

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