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Calm Down ~ Nature Tuesday

By accidentally I met a friend in college time in the office of a client company. I know this friend quite well. Apparently, he was one of several meeting participants, most of whom I had known before. He is a good person although unique. He is a person who is caring and helpful, but he is also a person who often fights with other people.

After the meeting was over, he invited me to talk in his office. He and I are both quiet people, but in that conversation, after a long time of not meeting, we were able to chat in a relaxed, light and very familiar way, even though most of them were about the past.

In the conversation, he reminded that in the past, he had complained and asked why he felt that many friends could not understand and rather dislike him while trying to explain the reason why he had just had a fight with someone. To short the story, at that time I said that if we often fight with other people, rather than spending time and energy angry and blaming others, it might be better if we do introspection to find the reason why people fight with us. Apparently, this tendency still happens to him quite often today.

“Why am I so sensitive and easily offended, angry at things that should be trivial? I am aware of that but it is difficult to control it,” he asked to continue the conversation about it.

By a parable, I say that when our body is injured or hurt, even gentle touches sometimes cause us to react violently and avoid. That’s what happens when a person’s mind has been hurt by painful experience, they will be easily offended when those memories touched again either with words, attitudes, especially actions. Often offense is a sign of an inner wound, whether vague or clear, which has not been healed. If we face ourselves or other people who are easily offended, stop hating it but pay attention and love who care for and help heal the wound.”

  • Question of

    Do you have a special attitude towards sensitive and irritable people?

    • Yes
    • No
  • Question of

    Do you consider yourself a calm, insusceptible, and not easily offended person?

    • Yes
    • No

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What do you think?

27 Points

86 Comments

  1. Nice little moments of life, that’s what I feel about unexpected encounters like this one ?.

    I must say: thank you, Albert! This post is very useful for me, I am a very calm and analytical person and I have people very dear to me, that behave exactly like you described. I’m good at calming them down, but the core problem is still there and I would love to help them more.
    Take care, man! Love your post! ?

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    • Dear officer, life is funny. Since childhood, I was more interested in art and language. I studied in the faculty of design, but as a designer, I then turned into a coach and consultant who later brought me met together with many people.
      I think that trying to recognize the character and problems of others and help solve their problems actually is a way to understand ourselves too.

      Thanks for the compliment, dear friend.

      1
      • My pleasure, always a pleasure. I think so too, helping others can also help ourselves and we can better understand who we are.
        I told people that me helping them is actually a selfish action because I don’t like to see sad people around me. Helping them, solving problems and making them smile, this makes me smile too and it feels good. So, I do it because I want to feel good and that makes it a selfish act ??.

        1
  2. My wife before was also a hyper-analytic person and as a result, she was often stressed and easily exploded, even though she was an extrovert but also a perfectionist. Now she is much calmer and more able to control herself.

    1
  3. About you? Why do you think like that? Or, are you my friend Beny? ? ?

    The problem with Beny is that he admitted that he was often worried about many things, easily prejudiced, and even though he realized it, he had not been able to handle it. He is a smart person who unfortunately analyzes too much of everything.

    Beyond my role as a consultant for his company, he also asked me to help him. Of course, it will use a lot of time and intensive ways to make him able to lead himself more effectively.

    1
  4. Users voted 16 times.
    Q: Do you have a special attitude towards sensitive and irritable people?

    Yes (14 votes) – 88%
    No (2 votes) – 13%

    Q: Do you consider yourself a calm, insusceptible, and not easily offended person?

    Yes (11 votes) – 65%
    No (6 votes) – 35%

  5. Yes, people can be sensitive because they have been badly hurt. I have been hurt but then knowing that, I acknowledge I must improve a lot. A continual battle.
    Good communication helps to heal wounds.

    1
    • You are right, everyone needs to understand each other, but that ideal situation will be difficult for humanity to achieve because of their each circumstance and interests. I always encourage people to begin to understand other people and themselves first and then try to be understood by others.

      You are right, one of the biggest problems for humans is that it is difficult to listen.

      1
      • I have been learning and holding the principle of not expecting others to understand me. But I am sure that calm and a cool head will make it easier for me to make people pay attention and will gradually understand us better.

        That’s why I write a lot about wisdom and others where the ego is one of the biggest things to understand, and I think the ego is the biggest problem of mankind.

      • I understand what you mean but we also need to realize that we are in online media where we are not on the same page every time.

        For me, as I have said, I will not rely on other people here, even in real life. I am a person who has experienced a lot of disappointment in youth when “close friends” only approach me when they need help but ignore me when they have fun. I even almost died because of a fight for a friend who didn’t even visit me when I was hospitalized for wounds.

        1
    • We both don’t like conflict, dear friend. If conditions force me to deal with it, I will try to keep diplomacy even though it can be very tiring but at least it is more fun than fighting.

      1
    • I agree with you. We do need channels, but as far as I know, it’s very difficult to rely on other people to listen to things in us, let alone to understand our self and that’s why I meditate. I am fortunate to have met many mystics who have helped me to understand myself. They showed the door and I had to open and enter it myself.

      You are right, that we do not need to be influenced by trivial things done by other people. I usually don’t let myself be bothered by things I don’t need to think about. I am sure you will be able to do it well too. We are Gemini, right?

      1
  6. I never think of it that way … but I do know certain people cannot get out of their defenses no matter where they go. I’m pretty sensitive too but I’m not too reactive (as my friend say). If I do, I either shut off or get away. I guess its due to me being introvert that I don’t wanna get into fights.

    I was told sometimes reactive people are more forgiving because they’ll get it out of their system after the outburst! It’s worst when someone is reactive and unforgiving! They’ll just erupt over and over again, over the same issue.

    2
    • I don’t want to judge anyone, but because of work, people consult me, and I have met very many people, with so many characters. Of all that, there are so many people who are very sensitive and easily offended, whether they are introverted or extroverted.

      I think there are many things that affect a person’s sensitivity but basically, it is fear; afraid of being considered guilty, afraid of his pride falling, fear of being considered bad, not understood, misunderstood and others.

      1
      • That deep reason is what we have to find, and only we are the ones who can do it. There are experts who can help, if it is very necessary, by doing past life regression, but that is somewhat different from meditation because other people/experts who will induce us.

        1
  7. Some bursts of anger are hard to explain, I agree with you. It’s likely to be some wound of the past that reopens when triggered.
    I usually understand when it’s the case, and I accept those who get angry at me, forgiving their behavior. I don’t like to lose connections just because of fights, but when the other side doesn’t want to cooperate, I have to leave, sadly.
    I’m usually shy and introverted, but I’m also prone to outbursts. I can’t stand when someone is late, or even worse, when they stand me up. That’s when I give my worst. ?
    I mostly perceive it as a lack of respect, but my exaggerated reaction might be due to a fear of abandonment I’ve had since I can remember.

    2
    • Anger is a natural thing as a human, even as other living things. It’s just that, as creatures thinking and learning from many things including interactions, we should be wiser in responding to that anger, right? At least not too sensitive and not easily disturbed by things that are not principle. But, hmmm… I am sure that even though you are still young, you are someone who has high emotional intelligence.

      2
    • Exactly, it takes effort from both sides. Apologizing and forgiving each other.
      We have a proverb that says: do good and forget it, do bad and think about it; meaning that bad deeds are usually the easiest to remember, people hold grudges, therefore we should be careful. Vice versa, if we do good we should not expect anything in return, so it’s better we forget our good deeds.
      Yes, outbursting is actually more common among introverts. ?

      1
  8. I have learned over the years to not take life seriously. Including people. I spent the first half of my life being offended by many. Lacked self-confidence. Very quiet and shy. But as life progressed and major events and losses occurred, I felt myself changing. I no longer allow others to dictate my emotions and feelings. Sure, I am sensitive and feel for those in need and those with problems. That will never change. But I don’t take things to heart as I did before. We learn through hard lessons in life. I am coming out on the other side a survivor with lessons learned.

    1
  9. As always Albert you ask incredibly hard questions.

    1. I feel sorry for people that lash out. It can sometimes be as you’ve described. But sometimes it can be a warning that more is going on that we do not see.
    2. Part of my “calmness” means I have to stay away from incendiary people.

    I know like many my calmness is fleeting. As always, you’ve asked a really tough question.

    1
  10. Being overly sensitive or irritable in our relationships with others is a form of selfishness that can take our inner peace and can prevent us from appreciating other people. No one can irritate me easily.

    2
  11. I mean, and so friends say that I am a calm person just to leave people in peace … I do not like conflicts and, if possible, I prefer to retire …. when it is no longer possible to be, but also very aggressive

    1
  12. My late dad always advise me of dealing with mean comments from other people “Water off of a duck.” The only time when I get angry when someone plays rap music on a television ad or program.

    2
    • Your father has a wise life philosophy.

      I don’t really understand why your dad is angry when someone plays rap music on ad or program, do they use rap music in a bad way or for other reasons?

      • Some artists who sing rap music use the racial slur for Blacks, the female word for dog and music that is sung so badly, that it makes me like the rock and roll era musicians like Led Zeppelin.

        1