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Calm Down ~ Nature Tuesday

By accidentally I met a friend in college time in the office of a client company. I know this friend quite well. Apparently, he was one of several meeting participants, most of whom I had known before. He is a good person although unique. He is a person who is caring and helpful, but he is also a person who often fights with other people.

After the meeting was over, he invited me to talk in his office. He and I are both quiet people, but in that conversation, after a long time of not meeting, we were able to chat in a relaxed, light and very familiar way, even though most of them were about the past.

In the conversation, he reminded that in the past, he had complained and asked why he felt that many friends could not understand and rather dislike him while trying to explain the reason why he had just had a fight with someone. To short the story, at that time I said that if we often fight with other people, rather than spending time and energy angry and blaming others, it might be better if we do introspection to find the reason why people fight with us. Apparently, this tendency still happens to him quite often today.

“Why am I so sensitive and easily offended, angry at things that should be trivial? I am aware of that but it is difficult to control it,” he asked to continue the conversation about it.

By a parable, I say that when our body is injured or hurt, even gentle touches sometimes cause us to react violently and avoid. That’s what happens when a person’s mind has been hurt by painful experience, they will be easily offended when those memories touched again either with words, attitudes, especially actions. Often offense is a sign of an inner wound, whether vague or clear, which has not been healed. If we face ourselves or other people who are easily offended, stop hating it but pay attention and love who care for and help heal the wound.”

  • Do you have a special attitude towards sensitive and irritable people?

    • Yes
    • No
  • Do you consider yourself a calm, insusceptible, and not easily offended person?

    • Yes
    • No

What do you think?

24 points

119 Comments

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  1. Nice little moments of life, that’s what I feel about unexpected encounters like this one 😀.

    I must say: thank you, Albert! This post is very useful for me, I am a very calm and analytical person and I have people very dear to me, that behave exactly like you described. I’m good at calming them down, but the core problem is still there and I would love to help them more.
    Take care, man! Love your post! 😁

    • Dear officer, life is funny. Since childhood, I was more interested in art and language. I studied in the faculty of design, but as a designer, I then turned into a coach and consultant who later brought me met together with many people.
      I think that trying to recognize the character and problems of others and help solve their problems actually is a way to understand ourselves too.

      Thanks for the compliment, dear friend.

      • My pleasure, always a pleasure. I think so too, helping others can also help ourselves and we can better understand who we are.
        I told people that me helping them is actually a selfish action because I don’t like to see sad people around me. Helping them, solving problems and making them smile, this makes me smile too and it feels good. So, I do it because I want to feel good and that makes it a selfish act 😁😁.

  2. Is this article about Me….., hahahahhahahahahaha……..???! 😀 😀 I agree, showing understanding can help opposite to the avoidance which some people prefer to do and that way even worsen the problem…

        • About you? Why do you think like that? Or, are you my friend Beny? 😀 😀

          The problem with Beny is that he admitted that he was often worried about many things, easily prejudiced, and even though he realized it, he had not been able to handle it. He is a smart person who unfortunately analyzes too much of everything.

          Beyond my role as a consultant for his company, he also asked me to help him. Of course, it will use a lot of time and intensive ways to make him able to lead himself more effectively.

          • Hahahaha, I am certainly not…! 😀 😀 Because it appeared at the same time some conflicts here are going on and the post actually describes me in a way too…

            Then he is even more like me…!… 😀 I am a very analytic person, ehehheheeh

  3. Users voted 16 times.
    Q: Do you have a special attitude towards sensitive and irritable people?

    Yes (14 votes) – 88%
    No (2 votes) – 13%

    Q: Do you consider yourself a calm, insusceptible, and not easily offended person?

    Yes (11 votes) – 65%
    No (6 votes) – 35%

      • You are right, everyone needs to understand each other, but that ideal situation will be difficult for humanity to achieve because of their each circumstance and interests. I always encourage people to begin to understand other people and themselves first and then try to be understood by others.

        You are right, one of the biggest problems for humans is that it is difficult to listen.

          • I have been learning and holding the principle of not expecting others to understand me. But I am sure that calm and a cool head will make it easier for me to make people pay attention and will gradually understand us better.

            That’s why I write a lot about wisdom and others where the ego is one of the biggest things to understand, and I think the ego is the biggest problem of mankind.

          • I am not talking about understanding of friends who I have conflicts with but the friends who are there when you are having problems you can SHARE with them…..! People who listen to you since That is the Theme in this thread…..!

          • I understand what you mean but we also need to realize that we are in online media where we are not on the same page every time.

            For me, as I have said, I will not rely on other people here, even in real life. I am a person who has experienced a lot of disappointment in youth when “close friends” only approach me when they need help but ignore me when they have fun. I even almost died because of a fight for a friend who didn’t even visit me when I was hospitalized for wounds.

          • To repeat myself —– NO ONE mentioned people HERE nor I understand how you could interpret my words like that, especially in the thread that is not about that AT ALL – but communication in Real life when problems occur…..!!!

            Yes, people in real life can be like that, that is what I’m talking about, but now we are older and people should be there for other people especially their friends…

            When conflicts (which no one here talked about so I don’t know how you interpreted it like that too)—— yes, ego is usually the main problem but not always only ego…

          • Yes, seems you often have such problems, i really don’t understand how you interpret the things I say that way… It happened in the previous recent posts too when I talked about visiting other people’s posts and “giving back” here…

    • We are similar in that… But sometimes it’s hard to keep things in ourselves, they should be either expressed either channaled… The best way, I guess, is to learn not to be affected by trivial things and other people – not take them personally and it’s like that when we become self confident, do the things that make us such…..

        • I agree with you. We do need channels, but as far as I know, it’s very difficult to rely on other people to listen to things in us, let alone to understand our self and that’s why I meditate. I am fortunate to have met many mystics who have helped me to understand myself. They showed the door and I had to open and enter it myself.

          You are right, that we do not need to be influenced by trivial things done by other people. I usually don’t let myself be bothered by things I don’t need to think about. I am sure you will be able to do it well too. We are Gemini, right?

          • When I mentioned channeling I didn’t mean by other people but within ourselves by our own actions – for example sports or many different activities and psychological ways… Yes, meditation is also one of those ways but it’s not for everyone…
            When it comes to other people, I will just repeat what I wrote above – real friends should be there but often they are not… – in such situation you see who is your real friend…
            Those are quite different experiences probably very usual for your country but not for all the other people, and yes, I believe quite helpful, I’m glad it helped..

            Lately I’m very sensitive as you know so I often do get influenced easily but tend to control or work on that…
            Well, I hope so…, I am not only Gemini but all the other planets from my chart, hehehe… 😉 Vidocka is Gemini too

  4. I never think of it that way … but I do know certain people cannot get out of their defenses no matter where they go. I’m pretty sensitive too but I’m not too reactive (as my friend say). If I do, I either shut off or get away. I guess its due to me being introvert that I don’t wanna get into fights.

    I was told sometimes reactive people are more forgiving because they’ll get it out of their system after the outburst! It’s worst when someone is reactive and unforgiving! They’ll just erupt over and over again, over the same issue.

  5. Some bursts of anger are hard to explain, I agree with you. It’s likely to be some wound of the past that reopens when triggered.
    I usually understand when it’s the case, and I accept those who get angry at me, forgiving their behavior. I don’t like to lose connections just because of fights, but when the other side doesn’t want to cooperate, I have to leave, sadly.
    I’m usually shy and introverted, but I’m also prone to outbursts. I can’t stand when someone is late, or even worse, when they stand me up. That’s when I give my worst. 😅
    I mostly perceive it as a lack of respect, but my exaggerated reaction might be due to a fear of abandonment I’ve had since I can remember.

    • Anger is a natural thing as a human, even as other living things. It’s just that, as creatures thinking and learning from many things including interactions, we should be wiser in responding to that anger, right? At least not too sensitive and not easily disturbed by things that are not principle. But, hmmm… I am sure that even though you are still young, you are someone who has high emotional intelligence.

    • I agree with you, I get easily hurt and offended by people’s “mean”/bad/non-sensitive actions because I know who I am, my worth and what i give but even if I forgive because I actually don’t like conflicts at all, the other side is sometimes not even willing to which makes me believe even more the problem is in them – unfortunately……..!!!!!!! :/ 😐 THAT is what makes me sad and hurt…..
      I am actually too even though I tried to open myself lately… These things on Virily unfortunately that were happening lately also made me go back being like that (introverted) too lately…
      Outbursting is actually the other side of being shy and introverted (not always but can be), because we “stand” a lot inside ourselves, not expressing it (the right way too) (which is not healthy) then we can explode, the more often the more we stand inside ourselves…
      Such things always have such and similar “reasons” in background…

      • Exactly, it takes effort from both sides. Apologizing and forgiving each other.
        We have a proverb that says: do good and forget it, do bad and think about it; meaning that bad deeds are usually the easiest to remember, people hold grudges, therefore we should be careful. Vice versa, if we do good we should not expect anything in return, so it’s better we forget our good deeds.
        Yes, outbursting is actually more common among introverts. 🙂

        • Now I noticed I forgot to comment your posts, I’m currently going through the Latest list backwards because I am behind a lot but will visit you (have just lost all my daily Virils…! :/ 😐 ) as you already know, hehehe…! 😉

          Yes… I just have a problem because it always looks I’m “attacking” someone while I’m actually reacting to being hurt so it always looks like it’s me… If I’m hurt I have to say it and now it seems to me my words are often interpreted the wrong way (like other people are projecting themselves or I just sound differently… :/ ) therefore I receive bad reactions to that as well…

          I can forgive if I see the other person feels/is ABLE to feel the same…
          Hmmmmm, I often think about it so not sure what and how I do, heheheheheh….. ;///| 🙂
          I do hold grudges when not possible to forgive… For me it is hard to do good when someone is not appreciating it, I think it’s like that for everyone and that it’s normal…..

          Hehehe, yes, could be…..

        • For example that is what I tried with Ghostwriter here (when the first conflict here happened it was with her and she initiated it…) but she didn’t understand anything, nor my “affect” in my reaction … I am not a person who like to have bad relationships and conflicts – on the contrary… But if it’s impossible with someone then I guess I hold grudges which i should learn to release….. :/ 😉

  6. I have learned over the years to not take life seriously. Including people. I spent the first half of my life being offended by many. Lacked self-confidence. Very quiet and shy. But as life progressed and major events and losses occurred, I felt myself changing. I no longer allow others to dictate my emotions and feelings. Sure, I am sensitive and feel for those in need and those with problems. That will never change. But I don’t take things to heart as I did before. We learn through hard lessons in life. I am coming out on the other side a survivor with lessons learned.

  7. As always Albert you ask incredibly hard questions.

    1. I feel sorry for people that lash out. It can sometimes be as you’ve described. But sometimes it can be a warning that more is going on that we do not see.
    2. Part of my “calmness” means I have to stay away from incendiary people.

    I know like many my calmness is fleeting. As always, you’ve asked a really tough question.

  8. I mean, and so friends say that I am a calm person just to leave people in peace … I do not like conflicts and, if possible, I prefer to retire …. when it is no longer possible to be, but also very aggressive

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