The twins and I have an agreement about their dog and walking. I didn’t enforce the deal with their older sister as well as I should have and they remind me of that all the time. The last time we discussed it, I asked the twins a question. “which is more important what you say or what you do?” I know from a professional perspective, my employer needs me to produce, or do. What I say may contribute, but what I do is what they pay me for. In professional relationships, I do suspect that is as much the rule as it is anything. What you do is much more important than what you say is. But, I’ve been thinking about what people say a lot lately.
If you are in a non-professional non-work situation what you say matters, sometimes you discuss with a person, and they go “nuclear.” When that happens, you have two options. The first is to defend yourself. I think now however that defending yourself actually may only exacerbate the situation. Plus I have come to realize that my self-image doesn’t get impacted by what people say about me. Argue my points, make fun of my ideas that isn’t a problem. You see the thing is if I find your responses to be worthy I will argue. If I find in the end that I was wrong, I will acknowledge it. It is a part of communication to accept when you re wrong or when you have wronged.
The other option is to ignore the person. That if they attempt to interact with you, you walk away. Note of course if the person that attacks you attacks other people walking away doesn’t solve the initial problem. The reality of someone going nuclear is there are few survivors. I am standing in the way of someone going nuclear does you no good. But everyone deserves a chance. That is why I always respond to people not liking my ideas. I will never ignore someone that doesn’t like my ideas. When, however, that person attacks me, I stop dealing with them. Therein lies the ethical difference between a person that cares and a person that is self-absorbed.
Attack my ideas – it won’t hurt my feelings. Attack me, and I will walk away. If you apologize for attacking me, I will accept your apology. I will give you a second chance. Do it again, and I may or not accept the apology. Do it a third time, and that is it. I believe in treating all people fairly. I don’t attack people; I only argue with the idea you present.
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Question of
Do you have happy memories of other people in your life?
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Yes
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No
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Question of
Do you like to share the happy memories?
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Yes
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No
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Question of
Have you ever looked at a picture and remembered something not in the picture?
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Yes
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No
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Agree with you 100% that everyone deserves a chance!!! Also have a lot of happy memories of other people in my life & it always supports me.
very true, very true happy memories are the best
Happy memories are what keep you going. They seem to be the fabric of hope and love amidst the trials of life.
sometimes the happy memories are what you need!
I don’t know why folks have such a hard time admitting their mistakes. When I screw up, I own it and move on. Wanting to distance yourself is understandable, but trying to pretend you’re right when you know you aren’t… what’s the thinking there?
When I make a mistake, I accept the error and I’m sorry. I do not know how the other side will react.
That is an honorable way to approach the world, Robin. What do you do, however when the other side will not let go?
you can’t know how the other side will react, but you can decide to act with maturity and dignity
I suspect what you are probably encountering is the reality of the modern world. The problem with civility, dignity and the art of discourse, is that they were built in a different time.
As my first IT boss always said: “anonymous was the critic’s way of hiding.”
trolls think anonymity is a super power…
I think sometimes it is ego, not able at that point to let go. That is why I sometimes find it is best (for me) to just walk away.
I try to avoid anything which appears to be pointless
That is a wise course of action!
I had quite a lot of verbal attacks when I was still on the job. I tried to solve conflicts with the conversation, but it always failed.
There is no resolution sometime. I know it can be frustrating often in those cases.
The memories come when you call them. The pictures remind you of happy moments with family or friends. There is always something to remember. Not all moments are sealed in one picture.
That is so very true. thank you!!!!
I may have to disagree because I think communication could be a good contact sport! ?
But some people seem to forget about fair play.
There must be rules, and manners. Players must be polite and respectful to each other.
At last, every argument should end with a handshake. Or a hug, even better.
It’s unfortunate when losers can’t accept the defeat and start insulting individuals instead of discussing about their game. However, I don’t get offended when someone attacks me personally. I know I was better because they had to commit a foul. ?
I can agree with you, it is a good clarification of the points I was making.
I have many happy memories of my closest friends and friends … unfortunately, some of them are already dead, but memories remain forever
memories are forever I love that!
You have explained your attitude here. Of course, some other people have different criteria.
We are not all the same. I think it’s more important to do than to say.
Imagine this:
I say: I will kill you.
Or I really kill you.
Do you see a big difference?
Actions always speak louder than words. I’ve just learned not to waste my time arguing with those who just want to fight.
You make some great points here. I have had to make the choice of walking away many times both on and offline. I am not into drama and it is not welcome in my life.
I think life is drama enough without adding more 🙂
I have a lot of happy memories of my childhood and always use to share with people .
That is a really good model, sharing what is happy!