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Communication is a Verb not a contact sport…

The twins and I have an agreement about their dog and walking. I didn’t enforce the deal with their older sister as well as I should have and they remind me of that all the time. The last time we discussed it, I asked the twins a question. “which is more important what you say or what you do?” I know from a professional perspective, my employer needs me to produce, or do. What I say may contribute, but what I do is what they pay me for. In professional relationships, I do suspect that is as much the rule as it is anything. What you do is much more important than what you say is.  But, I’ve been thinking about what people say a lot lately.

If you are in a non-professional non-work situation what you say matters, sometimes you discuss with a person, and they go “nuclear.” When that happens, you have two options. The first is to defend yourself. I think now however that defending yourself actually may only exacerbate the situation. Plus I have come to realize that my self-image doesn’t get impacted by what people say about me. Argue my points, make fun of my ideas that isn’t a problem. You see the thing is if I find your responses to be worthy I will argue. If I find in the end that I was wrong, I will acknowledge it. It is a part of communication to accept when you re wrong or when you have wronged.

The other option is to ignore the person. That if they attempt to interact with you, you walk away. Note of course if the person that attacks you attacks other people walking away doesn’t solve the initial problem. The reality of someone going nuclear is there are few survivors. I am standing in the way of someone going nuclear does you no good. But everyone deserves a chance. That is why I always respond to people not liking my ideas. I will never ignore someone that doesn’t like my ideas. When, however, that person attacks me, I stop dealing with them. Therein lies the ethical difference between a person that cares and a person that is self-absorbed.

Attack my ideas – it won’t hurt my feelings. Attack me, and I will walk away. If you apologize for attacking me, I will accept your apology. I will give you a second chance. Do it again, and I may or not accept the apology. Do it a third time, and that is it. I believe in treating all people fairly. I don’t attack people; I only argue with the idea you present.

  • Do you have happy memories of other people in your life?

    • Yes
    • No
  • Do you like to share the happy memories?

    • Yes
    • No
  • Have you ever looked at a picture and remembered something not in the picture?

    • Yes
    • No

What do you think?

14 points
Legend

Written by DocAndersen

I am a long time blogger and technology poster.I focus on what is possible, but I also try to see what is coming. In recent years I have been focused on sharing the memories of my family, as part of my Family History Project.

27 Comments

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  1. I don’t know why folks have such a hard time admitting their mistakes. When I screw up, I own it and move on. Wanting to distance yourself is understandable, but trying to pretend you’re right when you know you aren’t… what’s the thinking there?

  2. The memories come when you call them. The pictures remind you of happy moments with family or friends. There is always something to remember. Not all moments are sealed in one picture.

  3. I may have to disagree because I think communication could be a good contact sport! 😃
    But some people seem to forget about fair play.
    There must be rules, and manners. Players must be polite and respectful to each other.
    At last, every argument should end with a handshake. Or a hug, even better.
    It’s unfortunate when losers can’t accept the defeat and start insulting individuals instead of discussing about their game. However, I don’t get offended when someone attacks me personally. I know I was better because they had to commit a foul. 🙄

  4. You have explained your attitude here. Of course, some other people have different criteria.
    We are not all the same. I think it’s more important to do than to say.
    Imagine this:
    I say: I will kill you.
    Or I really kill you.
    Do you see a big difference?

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