Albert Herdianto Widjojo
Less than 100 yards in front of my mother’s house is being built trajectories and intermediate stations of a mass rapid transportation mode since the last two years. The project has makes dust is so easy to thicken everywhere, especially on the floor and all surfaces of things.
The problem is that my mother lives alone in the house and she is a person who can not stand by looking at something dirty or untidy. Several times my siblings and I tried to offer housemaid assistants to help her take care of the house and do other physical work while accompanying and looking after her, but she always refused. For women in her age, all her activities are relatively worrying because although she is healthy, but her balance and physical abilities are clearly inadequate. Evidently, she has had fallen during such physical activity, and it was very worrying. Unfortunately, she was never deterrent and insisted to keep doing the activity because it is indeed necessary to do.
To reduce the burden, we brothers tried at least once a week to visit and help her clean up and tidy her house, our home in childhood until before we got married.Lately since last year, occasionally she was willing to stay with us, her children, though not always because she was still doing various church and social activities.
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Question of
Do you have a parent who lives alone?
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Yes
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No
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Question of
Are you worried enough about parents who live alone because it is difficult to monitor if something happens?
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Yes
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No
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Question of
Do you have a solution for that?
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Yes
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No
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Users voted 14 times.
Q: Do you have a parent who lives alone?
Yes (3 votes) – 20%
No (12 votes) – 80%
Q: Are you worried enough about parents who live alone because it is difficult to monitor if something happens?
Yes (8 votes) – 57%
No (6 votes) – 43%
Q: Do you have a solution for that?
Yes (10 votes) – 67%
No (5 votes) – 33%
My mom lives alone, but she’s still fairly young…so I am not worried right now. I’m more worried about my great-grandmother who still lives alone….she’s 94.
Yes, that’s it… In essence we are thinking of our parents or grandparents living alone with all their limitations and unattended. Sometimes they forget that they are no longer able to do some things.
She was very weak now… (she is almost 90) and bed ridden after a fall… it’s really dangerous for elderly to fall. My grandma fell from a sofa that is not high and her bones cracked and couldn’t heal… Operation is an option but there are chances it might make things worst because the bones are too brittle… So we opted to not operate and have her on medication to deal with the pain…
We got her a maid who would take care of her needs and does some housework too … An uncle (who has his own issue) lives with her but they never got along …
That’s how bothered we are, leaving our parents alone will make us anxious but leave them together with people who are difficult to get along also burdensome hearts… Hmmm… Well, at least someone who sees it constantly (if or if it is done) is much better…
Maybe getting her start early on supplements might help … like calcium stuffs… I am just saying because someone told me this (but was too late for my grandma’s case)… and I do believe these needs lots of researching too…
This problem is one of the hardest to solve … haiz, especially because elders are usually stubborn. :/
Yep! Indeed, elders are usually stubborn. The big part of their mind and memory feels that they have all experiences and the idea close their awareness that their physic has already not strong as before.
Bingo!! It’s always not until they really cannot, like at their limits before they would realise (or admit) but at times its already a little late … :/
But it is still great that your mother has been active and have hobbies and interactions… these will make her healthier…
I am grateful that she’s healthy. About interactions and social activities, that’s the thing which becomes one of the reasons why she refuses to live with us.
Hmm… but it can and I believe will become a reason you can be less worried about her …
I’ve a feeling when I was there that people in your country are friendly and quite closely bonded…
Thank you for your input, wise man.
Oh dear Mom! I have moved into her house with her. lol Sometimes she enjoys the company while other times she seems annoyed. She has Alzheimers, and is 90 years old. She is the strongest woman I have ever known! She also has a nurse come to her once a week. She takes care of herself, I help clean the house, do yard work, run errands, and am here in case she falls. There is never the perfect solution, sounds like you all are doing a great job.
That’s great, Kim. I think the emotional ups and downs are natural. I wish I could live with her…
Sad to say the emotional side, the ups and downs do come natural. It is a hard time when our parents get older, no easy way around it. I feel guilty a lot, my sister wants her to go to a nursing home, and gives me troubles over it. I still have to do what my mom wants. She doesn’t want to go to a home, so I will stay here until the doctors say its time.
I totally agree with your attitude, Kim. I and all siblings agree that as long as we exist, why should she go to a nursing home?
Exactly, you got that right! : D
Users voted 12 times.
Q: Do you have a parent who lives alone?
Yes (2 votes) – 17%
No (10 votes) – 83%
Q: Are you worried enough about parents who live alone because it is difficult to monitor if something happens?
Yes (7 votes) – 58%
No (5 votes) – 42%
Q: Do you have a solution for that?
Yes (9 votes) – 75%
No (3 votes) – 25%
I was in a similar situation. It’s very difficult to grow up.
Thanks, Robin. Btw, then what have you done in that situation, my friend?
It is a very tough job being a caretaker for a lonely parent.
Yes, indeed, Dee. You’re totally right.
But it was worth the time taking care of my late parents since they took care of me when I was young.
Perfect! That’s the most wise point of view of a human child
Mum lived alone after being widowed and was alone for 20 years after. She was hard to care for She would ask you to do something for her and then say “Oh not now!”
In the end she got too frail. My brother & me saw hard people eyeing her up and down in the mall. Thinking she was an easy target. Mentally tough, not physically.
Anyway she went to hospital and ended up being in a rest home. Then 6 months later she died.
No, its not easy making sure your Mum or Dad is OK. If I had another room here I would have had here here but there was no room and I was working during the day.
She wouldn’t let me do the house work anyway.
I did not want her getting home care, as I worked for agencies and they have a tendency to pry into peoples business and some are dishonest. .. I don’t trust them, because I have worked for some of them and know what goes on.
Thanks, Pamela. It is not easy to take care of parents in their age, and I have had experience in taking care of my mother-in-law since marriage until she passed away after 95 years. A few years earlier she had dementia and almost forgot all things, so to take care of her was tough, but it was much better than not being able to physically see and care for a certain time.
I understand that many of us have obstacles due to various job activities and other limitations, but still, it is important to find the best solution for taking care of them as well as possible, right?
Nice solution, good one! Well done!
My mom stays with my brother, but I don’t think it’s a good solution too.
Thanks, Tiada. About your mother, Is it true? Is there a new problem with your mother living with your brother?
I think you already have the solution- keep doing what you’re doing. We have many options to keep in touch remotely but none of them are a substitute for physical interaction…
You are right, brother of mine, but we do think about how to keep seeing her physically and make sure she is safe. A few weeks ago in the early morning, she walked alone from the church when a biker tried to grab the bag she was carrying. She somehow pulled hard until the biker fell from his motorcycle. Still, its worrying us.
This sort of thing will always be a concern but the fact that she was able to defend herself is quite promising! You come from an impressive bloodline
Well, that’s strange enough for an old woman like her.
I dunno, but I suspect your family is full of surprises…
Hahaha… Give me time to think your opinion…
take all the time you need
My dad died 25 years ago. Mike was widowed at age 49, she lived alone and never married again. She has 74 years. She and I talked to her about our future life and we made a joint decision. She now lives the code me, we are a happy five-member family
Thanks for your comments, Branka.
Who is Mike? Your mother, your father’s wife?
It is a very hard thing, and a painful thing for the most part because it is a parent. I find myself questioning many things I do, because it is my mother.
You’re right, Doc. On the one hand we are very proud of her principle and independence in addition to her intention not to make us bother because her, but on the other hand, we love her very much, want to keep paying attention and keep her well, with all our limitations.
That is the reality is it not. After all for most of our lives when we were hurt or injured who did we run to? Mom or Dad, were always there to make things right…
That’s it, Doc. They are the treasures of our most precious hearts from the past and forever.
Yes! I miss my dad frequently, but I am so glad my mom got to see the twins graduate from high school.
That’s a big thing to be thankful for, Doc.
Hopefully, later my mother can see I have grandchildren.
That is a noble family goal my friend!
Hahaha… Yes indeed, Doc. Thanks
Have you told your mother that dream? Sometimes that connection between our dreams and the dreams of others can be quite valuable…
Yes, Coach. The last time I told her was when our extended family, all siblings and their families and my own family celebrated her last birthday in November last year.
Then you have done all you can do, the rest is up to the power that we don’t control.
Yes, of course, Coach. All, at last, should be hand into the life Owner.
True! Thanks Albert, as always you have given me food for thought.
And I’m glad we had a good conversation, Doc.
Albert, I had this problem before losing my Dad. The difference was he lived over 500 miles away. There was someone to come in and check on him but he still wanted his independence to the very end. It is a very hard process when they get to this stage. And I am sure I will feel the same. I will go down fighting for my independence. It sounds like she needs a walker but my Dad’s never got used. He fell numerous times. It kept me on the edge all the time. The only thing I can suggest is to keep trying different suggestions and make sure someone is checking on her. Other than that unless you force her to do something, nothing else you can do. I could not live with myself if I had forced my Dad to make a decision. Thankfully it never came to that. I am sure you can work it out with love and patience. Enjoy the moments you have with her.
Thank a lot for your attention, Carol. Yes, I remember your story about your father before he passed away. I’m glad you understand my difficulty. My siblings and I always try to keep on watching her in various ways, either visiting her on our way home from work or at least make a phone call. Lucky she is liked by many people because of her social nature so that neighbors or friends often also visit her, but that surely not always. If at home she is easier to call but outdoors, she stutters of the technology so often wrong in operating her mobile phone. However, I am grateful she remains healthy.
Absolutely you have so much to be thankful for. Other siblings and friends will help tremendously. My Dad did not have that. Remaining healthy is so important. Another plus in your favor, and hers as well.
Yes, I am grateful for all that, and indeed the situation is very different from you and your father. I empathize with you and your father. But anyway, you are very proud of your father, right?
Absolutely I will always be proud of him, even though he is not here, he is in my heart forever. He made huge accomplishments in his career while on this earth. Electronics Supervisor, a computer quiz is what he was.
That’s a great achievement! He deserves to be proud and admired!