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A Parent Who Lives Alone ~ 365 Photos Challenge #180

Less than 100 yards in front of my mother’s house is being built trajectories and intermediate stations of a mass rapid transportation mode since the last two years. The project has makes dust is so easy to thicken everywhere, especially on the floor and all surfaces of things.

The problem is that my mother lives alone in the house and she is a person who can not stand by looking at something dirty or untidy. Several times my siblings and I tried to offer housemaid assistants to help her take care of the house and do other physical work while accompanying and looking after her, but she always refused. For women in her age, all her activities are relatively worrying because although she is healthy, but her balance and physical abilities are clearly inadequate. Evidently, she has had fallen during such physical activity, and it was very worrying. Unfortunately, she was never deterrent and insisted to keep doing the activity because it is indeed necessary to do.

To reduce the burden, we brothers tried at least once a week to visit and help her clean up and tidy her house, our home in childhood until before we got married.Lately since last year, occasionally she was willing to stay with us, her children, though not always because she was still doing various church and social activities.

  • Do you have a parent who lives alone?

    • Yes
    • No
  • Are you worried enough about parents who live alone because it is difficult to monitor if something happens?

    • Yes
    • No
  • Do you have a solution for that?

    • Yes
    • No

What do you think?

15 points

56 Comments

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  1. Users voted 14 times.
    Q: Do you have a parent who lives alone?

    Yes (3 votes) – 20%
    No (12 votes) – 80%

    Q: Are you worried enough about parents who live alone because it is difficult to monitor if something happens?

    Yes (8 votes) – 57%
    No (6 votes) – 43%

    Q: Do you have a solution for that?

    Yes (10 votes) – 67%
    No (5 votes) – 33%

  2. She was very weak now… (she is almost 90) and bed ridden after a fall… it’s really dangerous for elderly to fall. My grandma fell from a sofa that is not high and her bones cracked and couldn’t heal… Operation is an option but there are chances it might make things worst because the bones are too brittle… So we opted to not operate and have her on medication to deal with the pain…

    We got her a maid who would take care of her needs and does some housework too … An uncle (who has his own issue) lives with her but they never got along …

    • That’s how bothered we are, leaving our parents alone will make us anxious but leave them together with people who are difficult to get along also burdensome hearts… Hmmm… Well, at least someone who sees it constantly (if or if it is done) is much better…

      • Maybe getting her start early on supplements might help … like calcium stuffs… I am just saying because someone told me this (but was too late for my grandma’s case)… and I do believe these needs lots of researching too…

        This problem is one of the hardest to solve … haiz, especially because elders are usually stubborn. :/

  3. Oh dear Mom! I have moved into her house with her. lol Sometimes she enjoys the company while other times she seems annoyed. She has Alzheimers, and is 90 years old. She is the strongest woman I have ever known! She also has a nurse come to her once a week. She takes care of herself, I help clean the house, do yard work, run errands, and am here in case she falls. There is never the perfect solution, sounds like you all are doing a great job.

  4. Users voted 12 times.
    Q: Do you have a parent who lives alone?

    Yes (2 votes) – 17%
    No (10 votes) – 83%

    Q: Are you worried enough about parents who live alone because it is difficult to monitor if something happens?

    Yes (7 votes) – 58%
    No (5 votes) – 42%

    Q: Do you have a solution for that?

    Yes (9 votes) – 75%
    No (3 votes) – 25%

  5. Mum lived alone after being widowed and was alone for 20 years after. She was hard to care for She would ask you to do something for her and then say “Oh not now!”
    In the end she got too frail. My brother & me saw hard people eyeing her up and down in the mall. Thinking she was an easy target. Mentally tough, not physically.
    Anyway she went to hospital and ended up being in a rest home. Then 6 months later she died.
    No, its not easy making sure your Mum or Dad is OK. If I had another room here I would have had here here but there was no room and I was working during the day.
    She wouldn’t let me do the house work anyway.
    I did not want her getting home care, as I worked for agencies and they have a tendency to pry into peoples business and some are dishonest. .. I don’t trust them, because I have worked for some of them and know what goes on.

    • Thanks, Pamela. It is not easy to take care of parents in their age, and I have had experience in taking care of my mother-in-law since marriage until she passed away after 95 years. A few years earlier she had dementia and almost forgot all things, so to take care of her was tough, but it was much better than not being able to physically see and care for a certain time.
      I understand that many of us have obstacles due to various job activities and other limitations, but still, it is important to find the best solution for taking care of them as well as possible, right?

  6. My dad died 25 years ago. Mike was widowed at age 49, she lived alone and never married again. She has 74 years. She and I talked to her about our future life and we made a joint decision. She now lives the code me, we are a happy five-member family

  7. Albert, I had this problem before losing my Dad. The difference was he lived over 500 miles away. There was someone to come in and check on him but he still wanted his independence to the very end. It is a very hard process when they get to this stage. And I am sure I will feel the same. I will go down fighting for my independence. It sounds like she needs a walker but my Dad’s never got used. He fell numerous times. It kept me on the edge all the time. The only thing I can suggest is to keep trying different suggestions and make sure someone is checking on her. Other than that unless you force her to do something, nothing else you can do. I could not live with myself if I had forced my Dad to make a decision. Thankfully it never came to that. I am sure you can work it out with love and patience. Enjoy the moments you have with her.

    • Thank a lot for your attention, Carol. Yes, I remember your story about your father before he passed away. I’m glad you understand my difficulty. My siblings and I always try to keep on watching her in various ways, either visiting her on our way home from work or at least make a phone call. Lucky she is liked by many people because of her social nature so that neighbors or friends often also visit her, but that surely not always. If at home she is easier to call but outdoors, she stutters of the technology so often wrong in operating her mobile phone. However, I am grateful she remains healthy.

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