PaulPallazola
Fall River, Massachusetts March 23, 1984.
I could feel it slipping away, and wasn’t sure why. Kathe had told her therapist that we were lovers. Her therapist told her he thought that was unwise. Then he told her he was attracted to her. I told her he didn’t sound like a great therapist. Kathe went to Rockport to look for an apartment, and went to see Donna OSullivan, Cape Ann’s oral historian/ medicine woman. Donna and I were friends, and a couple of years before had been more than friends. Awkwardly, Donna was also friends with my former housemates Donna Marie & Errol, who Jeanine and I kicked out of our apartment after a bitter argument a year before.
Not sure if she wanted to return to Fall River or stay in Cape Ann, Kathe suggested we hang out in nearby Salem. We got kicked out of the Lyceum Pub for kissing too affectionately, so we took a walk on Derby Wharf near the Customs House that Nathaniel Hathorne worked in while he wrote “The Scarlett Letter”. Kathe decided it was time to tell me about something from her childhood, something that she was struggling with, and had never mentioned to me in the six years I’d known her. “My grandfather molested me”, she said. “Oh my God, Kathe, when did it happen?” I asked. “It started when I was nine, and he kept doing it till I was thirteen”., she said. “Wow. I’m sorry. You should have never had to go through that”. I’m not sure if talking about it was helping Kathe or not, so I hugged her again and said, “Anything you need to tell me , you can, whenever you need to”.
I guess this made it easier to understand some of the contradictions that were driving me crazy. The dramatic swings from super affectionate to super annoyed that could happen in minutes. Telling me she wanted to move to Cape Ann to be closer to me but didn’t want to move in with me. The night before, at her place in Fall River, she had asked me for a massage. Little Jacob was sleeping in his crib. We were alone with candles lit and Jackson Browne’s “For Everyman” playing on the stereo. After a few minutes I found it hard to continue and pressing against her asked if she wanted to- “This is why I hate men!” I wasn’t ready for that response. When she told me about her grandfather, it was a little more understandable.
I would think back about other little mysteries. When I met her at Seabrook in June of 1978, Kathe was one of the most articulate advocates of nonviolence you could find. She had spent time in Japan with peace activist monks from Hiroshima. She was one of the leaders in the Fall River Safe Energy Alliance, the local affinity group of Clamshell Alliance. When I got hires to work as Coordinator for the Clamshell Alliance Blockade Project, Kathe offered to help me look for an apartment near my new office. She had to cancel one of our appointments. Kathe had been working as a waitress at Golden Dragon, a local Chinese Restaurant. One night after work a fight broke out in their parking lot. “I have to go to court Paul. I punched a cop in the face”
Turns out he reminded her of her grandfather.
Windy Grace I returned to this post when you asked what happened to Kathe in “Sealed With A Kiss”. She called me a year later on 4th of July to tell me she had married Deacon. That was my last tdirect contact with her.My former roommate Jeanine’s daughter Lani baby sat for Jacob in the mid 1980s . I heard through her that Kathe had asked about me… I get the impression the marriage to Deacon was short lived but I never heard of its outcome. Years later I heard Kathe was employed as a cook at some kind of New Age spiritual retreat center in Vermont. Her son grew up to be a musician/ massage therapist and I suspect will be ( if he isn’t already) a great healer.
Some scars are lifelong!
Frightful display of the worst elements of societal ignorance. Just sorrowful..
The reality of life is often terrible and that kind of thing generally leads to deep trauma disorders. The hardest part is that victims or witnesses often keep it private and as others do not know the problem then treat them wrongly, or even have a personal interest. One of the most important things to know and understand other people especially the special ones is the openness to communicate to each other until things are hidden, so at least we can understand the background of their attitudes and behavior (and ourselves too) for then we would know how to respond and behave. I’m sure you are one of a kind person who knows it.
Thank you Albert. I like to think of life as having more original blessing than original sin. Kathe was at times the most sage woman I knew, and someone I often sought spiritual guidance from in the early stages of our friendship. They often say the best doctors can’t heal themselves, and I know she was struggling to see the bright perspective we once shared. I hope eventually she found it again.
for me, blessing and original sin is just two side of the same coin. May we all realize the connection, so does Kathe.
She’ll always be afflicted by her childhood experience. Paedophiles should be in jail where they belong.
In maximum security and never allowed out, because they WILL do it again 🙁
Her therapist had a clear conflict of interests and should’ve had his license to practice revoked…
Yes he should have. At the time I was pretty horrified but years later it seems almost comical, more like something you’d expect in a Woody Allen flick than in a Psycotherapy Practice in Harvard Square.
the fact that she was paying the jackass is the real punchline
Some things we never come back from, no matter how hard we try…
You are so right right Windy. At the time we were both in our mid twenties; that odd time when you come to terms with thw limits to what five years before might have seemed like limitless strength & energy.I had always out her on a pedestal & never imagined she was nursing wounds she had carried for 17 years.
I hope she has found better ways to manage her reactions to it… That’s about all we can do. This coming from someone who still wears two bras at 43, following things that happened from 9-14. Prayers to your ex <3 and you! It takes an amazing man to understand these things.
Not sure if my reply ended up in the right space here.
Clearly it didn’t Windy Grace look for comment with your name at the top of this thread. Virily can be so tricky to navigate sometimes!
Yep… Some never heal… We just “manage.” Hoping all is well with you and yours, my dear friend! <3