Albert Herdianto Widjojo
This is another picture that I have prepared to share at Thursday Reflection that I took while visiting my father’s grave after Easter. The two buckets filled with water were part of routine activities which could be said to be our “ritual” every time we visited the tomb.
Usually, the series of activities begins by asking that the tomb guards wash granite gravel to be clean of dried flower remnants, dry grass, dust, and weeds. After that, we will flatten or tidy up the pebbles again and put flowers, both bouquet and sprinkled flowers. After that, all of those present, alternating from the oldest to the youngest, will pour water on all parts of the tomb. After those activities, we all will pray, according to our respective religions.
Watering the tomb is actually meaning more than just cleaning the whole tomb, but as a symbol to “cool” (occupants of) the tomb and also water it with prayer. The two buckets of water you see here were water that the tomb guards had prepared to pour on the tomb. At certain events, the water used is rose water.
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Question of
Are there certain kinds of rituals in your country when visiting tombs?
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Yes
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No
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Question of
If yes, are there certain symbols from some or all of the activities of visiting the tomb that you did?
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Yes
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No
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Users voted 13 times.
Q: Are there certain kinds of rituals in your country when visiting tombs?
Yes (9 votes) – 64%
No (5 votes) – 36%
Q: If yes, are there certain symbols from some or all of the activities of visiting the tomb that you did?
Yes (5 votes) – 42%
No (7 votes) – 58%
I have to speak for my family traditions here. We go along with the wishes of the person. Generally cremation, and Mum’s ashes are placed in Manukau gardens. We put fake flowers that look nice there with herself and Dad in a photo.
Not sure what the rest of my family do but whenever I visit I clean up and before I leave I always wash my hands, yes and always say a prayer.
Ah, yeah… I also know about that tradition, but do people there always make choices long before?
There is always a certain meaning behind the ritual…
I guess how we deal with it is personal. I wash my hands because others outside my family wash theirs.
Indeed, sometimes rituals are performed by imitating the actions of others without us knowing the purpose, intent, and meaning.
The purpose of washing the hands is cleansing of yourself and also showing respect. The Maoris do that and so do Jewish people, I am not one of their people but I can understand the logic of the ritual. I do know why.
Aha! Knowing the essence and meaning of a ritual is very important. Thank you for telling me about the meaning of washing hands.
In Hinduism, we do not visit graves because we cremate bodies. But, we do remember our loved oned once a year where we cook their favorite food and then serve it to the birds or animals.
Yes, I understand that. There are religions and beliefs that do not bury them who passed away but cremate them. But you still have a certain way to remember them, right?
Have no special rituals or traditions in our country except the custom of bringing the flowers & some sweets to graves. So-so.
Yes, I understand, dear friend. But I like the idea or value behind the sweets to share there.
Users voted 9 times.
Q: Are there certain kinds of rituals in your country when visiting tombs?
Yes (6 votes) – 60%
No (4 votes) – 40%
Q: If yes, are there certain symbols from some or all of the activities of visiting the tomb that you did?
Yes (3 votes) – 33%
No (6 votes) – 67%
I feel like my relatives, both living and deceased are in some way always with me so I don’t understand rituals like this. But I understand my way of thinking isn’t widely adopted…
There is nothing I need to argue about what you feel for I understand it and agree, but considering we live in a big game with a variety of small games in it, then we must come into play in the various games too and follow the rules of the game, and that is our huge integrated attachment area. I’m sure you know where is the place of our true freedom.
In our country we do not have any special ritual. We take flowers and candles to the grave
Yes, I understand. Some other friends have said it. Every culture and region has its own uniqueness.
Thank you for the compliment, Ta.
Gorgeous reflections! The customs are as Elenka said. We also bring food to the graves.
Thanks for the compliment, Ellie.
Bring food? To be eaten together? Or…
Some is left at the grave for the dead, and some is shared with other visitors. I think in the past that tradition started so less fortunate people can get fed during these events.
Oh, I see… That is a noble value.
We must prepare food, fruits and beverage of the deceased and the “di zhu” (“owner of the land”, probably a “god” or guardian?). Flowers are not as important for us.
We’ll clear the weeds around/on the tomb and then reapply the paint if they’re fading. Then we pray with joss sticks if our religion allows.
At some places we burn paper money.
It seems like it’s a pretty long ritual… But it’s very interesting.
I struggle with the tombs of the past.
Are they memorials to the life that was. Or reminders that the stone replaced the person? I remember the person differently I guess.
I did find your ceremony to be one of honor. Just not for me my friend.
For me personally, I prefer to remember the deceased by meditation or praying at home. It’s just that, considering this is part of the culture of the community, and also of the family (especially because of my mother’s will), I should appreciate it. After all, by doing this, we as siblings have a common agenda to gather.
Let me ask, have you never visited the grave?
I have in fact visited the graves of those who passed. It is why I come to the reality of it is stone replacing a human.
The heart of a human is the memories of that person we carry with us.
As humans of the present, we do inherit essence and values from all memories of our predecessors, until someday we will…
yes. that resonates.
We, are the collection of memories that make us who we are.
We also clean the graves of the dried flowers if they are planted. Pour the others with water. We hang in vase bouquets of flowers. Unlike you, we make a cross with red wine and sparkling candles.
Very interesting. Our similarity is cleaning, putting flowers in a vase, and sprinkling flowers (as Catholic we make a cross from the sprinkling of jasmine flowers) as pilgrims ritual in general, and of course praying but no candles.
Here It’s the way Lado said. When I go to the tomb I lay flowers and light candles. If necessary, I clean the tomb.
What is the implicit meaning of light the candle?
We do not have any special ritual, dear friend … we lay flowers and light candles
We are the same about putting flowers but I have no activity lighting a candle. That’s interesting, dear friend.
And you do not light the candles at the grave? Never?
No, never. We never light the candle at the grave. Oh… Maybe once, when we followed the invitation to commemorate Heroes’ Day which was held at night a few years ago.
Very Interesting … there are millions of candles burning in our graves
Yes, very interesting, this is the beauty of cultural differences where we can get to know each other and understand each of the meanings in it.
That’s right, dear Albert …… it is in this beauty that we have different habits and customs, and this is also complementary and familiar
Thank you for your differences and warmth friendship, dear friend.
This would be nice to have at our cemeteries. We are often looking for water to wash the headstones. I always leave flowers for my family and I sit and talk to them. Wish I could visit more often. The drive is six hours away.
In general, there are always taps in the tombs in my country which are provided for that purpose.
Six hours is a long drive indeed, Carol.
Yes it is a long trip, that is why I could not visit my Dad as often as I would have liked. That is a regret I have. But I did the best I could.
I understand fully, Carol.