Albert Herdianto Widjojo
My wife told me that one of her friends had decided to separate from her husband after he was proven to be having an affair. It is unfortunate indeed considering that they have been together for more than twenty years. “It should!” she said to my wife.
“I must make that decision and file a divorce suit tomorrow.” she continued. It was a tough decision indeed, therefore my wife’s choice at that time was to listen to her vent and calm her down.
Must, is a word that I often pay attention to when spoken by someone in the context of a particular situation, especially if in the next words there is a sentence that more or less means “life is a choice”. Somehow, I consider that “must” and “choose” are very different. If we are in a “must” means we have no choice while to choose means we have several choices that require consideration.
I also remember the reason for my niece’s colleague who disappeared a few days when they need to taking care of a legal case that was being faced by their company. When her partner returned, he said “I must watch my sister’s graduation in Jogja” as the reason why he left without saying anything before. That statement means that he has no choice and consequently does not consider the tension and urgency of the situation of the problem they are facing and the importance of him being there with his colleagues.
Must? Who requires it? On the other hand, I see that we often choose A & B as hope or wish but life offers C, D, and E, for example, to be chosen, then is it not a choice in a “must”? Who actually puts things before us and we have to choose? Then what about life is a choice?
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Are you fully convinced that the life you are living right now is really your choice?
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Yes
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No
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Users voted 13 times.
Q: ARE YOU FULLY CONVINCED THAT THE LIFE YOU ARE LIVING RIGHT NOW IS REALLY YOUR CHOICE?
Yes (8 votes) – 62%
No (5 votes) – 38%
There is someone very close to me that has this same kind of problem. Not once but many times. In such case I always tell the aggrieved party that the choice lies in the question: “What do you want?” and “How much you are willing to give and sacrifice to get or keep what you want?” To the other person: “Don’t you want to find out within you what’s causing that emptiness?”
As to the question, if life is a shopping mall and we are given a carte blanche without consideration as to how our first choices affect anyone, I guess we will all be living a different life, Professor. But see, life is a compromise. A wise man once told me that even the societal codes of conduct and traditions are part of learning ?
Look, you can even fish in the snow!
To be honest, here I want to see how people distinguish between the paradigms of must and choice, also to explore the formula of life “Life is a choice” that we have done even before we were born.
MUST means what should be. The ideal. Thing is, the ideal is in contradiction with what is the actual. ?
Life is a choice, yes, but, fact is, we created so many trappings that imprisoned us. Ideals, codes of conducts, customs, traditions, et al, all those are trappings and so we turn choice into compromise ?
Is it true? What is the ideal that should be in outward life? Who establishes a must? Is all that not just an agreement of a group of people who are socialized and continue to be disseminated (as you said)? Are considered women are inferior to men a necessity? or accepting or rejecting LGBT is also a must? Is marriage a must?? What about having to steal to feed a child? and so on…
Isn’t “Must” and “Choose” just part of duality too?
But I agree that we have had created so many prisons for ourselves and those are agreement. I think must and choose has its own place to use properly at least in the order it doesn’t make a mess ourselves as a person who is owned by the soul.?✌
Must is definitely part of duality. Choose, not necessarily. Because one can choose not to see duality, right? Or left? But hey, left and right is also duality. Scrap that ?
And to answer the question, must is created by society, ergo, by the human. And by doing so created hypocrisy in the process because the human is always in contradiction with the ideal ?
Im no expert on marriage even though I have been with my husband for 23 years.
However, I access what the needs are rather than the wants
You don’t own people even though you are married but I have always looked back and been thankful for the kindness my husband has shown me and had my back when I needed backing.
Now he is not well and recovering from a shoulder operation I am here for him
I see you always choose to do your best, Pamela.
Yes, we have had one of those years having gone through the fires of a medical year. Not his fault but taken him to Accident and emergency 4 times and he has had a trip in the ambulance twice. Plus I broke my wrist and had it in plaster 6 weeks…
Still thankful we are alive
I say so, dear Albert …. it just has to die and nothing else … everything else can somehow be reconciled, talked about
You are right, dear friend. In this world, other than death which is a certainty, everything else can be relative…
Exactly so … everything else is very relative, dear friend
Users voted 11 times.
Q: ARE YOU FULLY CONVINCED THAT THE LIFE YOU ARE LIVING RIGHT NOW IS REALLY YOUR CHOICE?
Yes (7 votes) – 64%
No (4 votes) – 36%
I understand the word “must” as a kind of compulsion. There are many ways to solve the problem. We must have a desire.
Yes, you are right, dear Vida. Btw, who forces you to have desires?
? Joking…
Occasionally there is someone else who wants to command me, but I firmly stand by my principles. I’m a little stubborn. ?
You are very strong in holding principles, also have independence in thinking and acting!
You are right. Life experiences have made me even stronger
I am very happy to hear your assertiveness about that, Vida.
Must is a very strong word. Our choices should be just that. OUR choices. Not that we must do something, but we all must make choices. And hope for the best.
The two words often coincide so that there is a paradigmatic confusion that has affected the lives of many people.
Well put and true. Often circumstances offer us the C’s and D’s when we wish for A’s and B’s. The word must means you have to. There are no choices. I must eat, I must drink I must feed the dog etc. Divorce can only be put into a must if there is abuse. I think most of anything else can be worked out, if the parties are willing to put forth the effort, and in his case choose not to commit adultery. I had to click No to the above question.
You have seen it well and carefully, Kim. I think there is a paradigmatic confusion in “Must” and “Choose” which is more than just the use of the word in talk but has brought various consequences in life.
Thank you Albert, and I would have to agree with you on the two words. They should never be confused.
That’s why I admire your passion in living this beautiful and pleasant life, Kim.
We are constantly making decisions in life, sometimes big, sometimes small. However if we are careful to align our decisions to our moral and spiritual values we could be happy with our lives. I am sure I live the life I want.
I agree with you and am very happy that you feel confident that you have lived life as you wish, Sophie.
You have indeed asked very hard Question , I may not have answer for this right now
You don’t need to answer it, dear friend. Just thinking about it is good enough… lol
I made the choice to take on my granddaughter rather than see her go into care. It has put my retirement plans on hold but I still feel it was the right choice .. just unexpected at the time.
It was truly a choice, not a must, and surely that choice was made based on many considerations.
There are so many factors that influence our life and we tend to take the route that has the least number of hurdles.
I totally agree with you. Btw do you see the difference between must and choice?
While I was working there was a course I attended It was called PRODEM – problem analysis and decision making. The first thing that one had to choose was what is the goal and that got the name MUST. Everything centred round that word. There were choices that one had to look at in order to achieve that MUST.
When none of those choices available, help then the goal has to be changed, unwillingly.
It is an elaborate approach. I used this approach before giving up my job.
Yes, I know that program, Grace. There is a paradigmatic problem there, as well as the paradigm of and the use of the word must. Is loving God or a partner a must, or is it a choice based on consciousness?
There are certain situations where there are no two ways about them and loving God and loving a partner for example belong there.
When are given freewill to choose, the consequences is for us to face later but we must be prepared. Some loss their guards and give up while others continue to fight.
Interesting point of view, my friend. I think the consequences immediately follow our decision, ready or not, but of course, it is much better if we prepare ourselves and be ready.
thank you my friend. Sometimes these choices are set aside because of the arising of the MUST that is sometimes heartbreaking but then later on MUST be accepted to be able to move on.
That’s a good formula, dear friend. A formula that at the same time reduces the power of “Life is a choice”.