It looks like this year is a year of divorces in my country. Almost every week we get news about one more couple who decided to break up. I am talking about celebrities of Lithuania. It is not fun already. Divorces happen all the time, but this year – especially many.
It is very important in love to feel the moment when the beginning of the end begins.
It could protect us from unnecessary nerves and drama in the future, from that naive “I didn’t even notice how it happened, we were so happy.” Perhaps it would encourage something to change and reanimate the butterflies that got into a coma. Or at least save our self-esteem and protect us from creeping on the knees or not to be humble when the game goes to one gate. At worst, it might help to prepare for falling into the emotional abyss in advance.
Unfortunately, we usually read the signs post factum when the heart is already torn to the pieces. And who will pay attention to the almost invisible signs of the beginning of the end: rare dating; strange excuses; eternal “I’m tired or don’t have time right now”; lover’s silence, that uncomfortable one when you don’t know what to say to one another, or conflicts without reasons and irritability for no reason; logic incomprehensible excuses and evasion even from the joys of sex…
And yes, love requires diamond patience and tolerance – diamond because it is firm. And nerves, not even iron, but rubber, because that love, especially unhappy, stretches them so much. But there are moments when it is no longer enough to be tolerant or elastic nerves. Sometimes it is better to leave first before love has turned into mutual post-divorce hate.
Only how to find strength and hear your sober mind? After all, when we feel that love is fleeing out, we first run to catch it – we find excuses to justify the changed behavior of a loved one, we sprinkle the flour of illusion on the bleeding heart and the blind eyes. And for a while, it gets quiet … until the next drama of indifference.
It is not the fact of separation, but its agony, and our own blindness and illusions that most hurt us in love. And faith in words but not in actions. And the illusion that love defeats everything and can even turn a narcissus into a scented rose with no thorns and a wild tiger into a domestic cat.
The truth is banal and simple: whoever loves will always find the time, and whoever does not love will find excuses. And yet, we fall in love with the same qualities that we begin to hate in the future and desire that the object of love change or find some magical way to hurt us less with his imperfections.
That is the debate and drama that was discussed today in my office with my assistant when the rain was going outside the windows. We discussed it after reading again about the new breakup of one more celebrity – this time, the most famous Instagram influencer of Lithuania. And I am sorry if my thoughts are a contrast to yours; after all, I never have experienced neither end of love or divorce.
© Fortune, 2009
Have you ever experienced a divorce?