Cmoneyspinner
Some people use the word “punishment”. In my opinion, the more appropriate word is “discipline”. The most appropriate phrase is “discipline with love”.
If you are a new parent you may have combed through the pages of hundreds of books and magazines and/or scoured the Internet searching for advice on raising children. The hardest question to find the answer to is regarding the proper form of punishment.
On this topic, the “experts” are clearly divided. Some say physical punishment is a must. Some say talking to the child is best. Some say take away their “goodies” or privileges. ALL say their advice is right and it works … perfectly.
If only we lived in a perfect world and everybody in the world was perfect.
I’m no expert, but I can share some observations.
Every parent is different. Every parent was raised by parents or primary caretakers. They were either raised well (or believe they were raised well) and want to employ the same techniques and methods of child-rearing their parents used when they were growing up. Or they want to NOT raise their children the way they were raised.
Every child is different. An effective warning or punishment that might work for one child might make another child even more daring and defiant.
When children come into this world, their mind is a blank slate. They trust the ones charged with caring for them, to look out for them completely ~ mind and body, soul and spirit. They look to the influential adults in their life and expect them to keep them from harm or danger, and to nurture/guide them and teach/instruct for their own good.
Whatever the disciplinary method or “punishment” used by the parent or primary caretaker, the child must clearly understand ITS PURPOSE.
The parent needs to communicate that there is no intention of harming or injuring them, that there is no desire to be mean and withhold good things from them, etc. In fact, it’s just the opposite. You don’t want to see them hurt. You only want what is good for them. You want them to grow up, to be happy, and to repeat the cycle of enjoying a wonderful life!
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Agree or Disagree.
Do you have observations to share?
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I totally agree with you. When one must punish, one must make sure the child understands it is meant for his good, not because of out-of-control anger. The child must understand why he is being disciplined if the discipline is to have the desired effect.
You and I are from the same generation. I’m sure your mom likely said something similar to you. My late mother used to say something like: “I love you. That’s why I’m doing this. Because if I don’t, somebody else might teach you a lesson. And they won’t be doing it because they love you. And they won’t show you any mercy! You won’t always live in your home. You have to go into the world and live with other people.”
Your mother sounds like a wise woman.
Thanks for the tips, I like it for getting more powerful to be a mom. Haha!
Inflicting physical pain on children is not only cruel it is stupid. It teaches nothing of value and lowers the child’s self esteem.
I do think these are good reminders for parents. I don’t also agree with having a “love stick.” It is not appropriate hitting a child just to be disciplined. c”,)
Good things to share.
I agree with “discipline with love”.
If we want to impose a system of punishment on children, we should introduce early on the fact that there are always risks and consequences of every behavior or action. We must also build commitment and exemplary. I think it is very necessary to take a persuasive approach when going to execute a punishment, not by showing anger, but with love and sadness or regret in such a way that they realize that it is will be done in their favor and becomes a “reminder” for them not to do it again. it would be better if the child immediately knew that they had made a mistake and according to the commitment, they were willing to execute their own punishment, with sincerity.
That’s what I’ve been doing all along, though it’s rarely done because rarely does their deed need to be punished… until now they’ve grown up.
thanks for the excellent advice, good post