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Something has been taking place lately.

Someone might say it is not my business, but it is.

It started to affect me on an emotional level.

I’m not angry or disappointed, but sad. Simply sad.

I’ve never discussed about internal issues. I never felt entitled to do so.

Honestly, I didn’t even want to talk about this and be part of the problem.

I thank the people who inspired me to make this post.

The Virilian community is wonderful, because there is love everywhere.

It is real, the people are real, and you can feel it.

While we might have different interests or come from different backgrounds, we all have something in common: the love, the passion, and the ambition.

We admire and we’re admired back. We are the perfect family!

Unfortunately, this is not enough.

There are barriers that hold us from achieving peace.

Barriers that words won’t overcome, because words created them in the first place.

I’m talking of communication barriers.

Nobody is evil here, we all act in the name of love.

However, the way we act is not always understood, or appreciated.

Nobody is to blame, we’re all victims of a common enemy.

These barriers lead to hostility, and bullying.

Yes, bullying. It’s a strong word, I know.

I wish it was easier for the members of this wonderful community to accept and respect each other. It is difficult because it takes two people to make a connection, but it’s possible.

  • This is the sad reality of the real world. But we can do better, can we?

    • Yes
    • No

What do you think?

19 points
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Written by sabtraversa

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64 Comments

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  1. We are not a product of our past but our choices.
    The bane of my family members is poor communication skills.
    In themselves my family do their level best but in the name of good quite often they lost the entire plot, I include myself.

    Must be honest, I do anything to avoid conflict.

    So as well as being kind to others at the same time be kind to yourself. Well, I need to learn that.

    Bullying in New Zealand is particularly bad and that needs to change. Recent example was a kin to the Christchurch massacre. OK done by an Australian man, but New Zealand already had warning signs and ignored the threats which is typical of our NZ thought.

    They should have taken the threats before hand seriously

    • You’re absolutely right. It happens too often that the actions of few have a negative impact on those who weren’t involved in the first place.
      I’ve always thought of New Zealand as a peaceful country, but I guess everyone has their own internal struggles. There’s no perfect place in the world. 😅

  2. As Vidocka mentions above, everyone should leave his bad mood before sitting in front of the computer. Nobody is obliged to tolerate negativism. We all need understanding, warmth and mutual respect.

    • I don’t know how serious the situation truly was, but it had to do with people I care about, and made me sad enough to write this post. I hope so. It would be great to have a happy place on the internet we can rely on. 🙂

      • For example my disagreement is when someone mentioned that Kate Smith was anti Semitic and a racist for her songs that recorded in the 1930s but those same people will not admit that some rap song titles are so offensive that the titles of the songs have to be censored.

  3. As long as we admit to ourselves that we can do better, all is not lost. Then we just have to get into the habit of doing better, a little bit every day. Imagine what would change if we all did that each day for a whole year…

  4. It’s a great post and nothing is wrong to present this topic. I also observe some comments that do not belong to this site. I think of what people are doing to affect someone, and that in words. They are angry, disappointed, have a bad day, but this is not an excuse. I always say, first take a deep breath and then the world will be better 😊

    • True, that would be the best way to act. There isn’t much to do after the damage has been done, except accepting it and moving on. Judging and rebuking should be avoided, it often makes things worse. That’s why I was hesitant about posting this, because I was afraid it was taken as some sort of lecture. 😅
      I take more than a deep breath, I take minutes to talk to myself. It must be why I’m not very active here, I spend more time thinking than acting. 🙄

    • Not sure who you meant (maybe me) but the real problem is unfortunately what caused them to act like that… If people are genuine in their acts and someone act towards them non-genuine and you try to explain them nicely at first, and they still don’t understand and act arrogantly or have some exclusive rigid attitudes or criticize you for some things when you actually tried to reward them, then it is a reaction, not an act… Unfortunately I’m very sensitive to the unfairness

  5. This kind of atmosphere is present in almost any site that I joined but one. So, I was not surprised when I feel the same thing here. I am not a native English speaker so there are times when I can’t truly comprehend what others are saying. Even if found the meaning of the words they are using. When I can sense that some issues or misunderstanding among several members is going on, I would try my best to stay away from that topic/conversation. Not that I wouldn’t want to help but I just thought that I might be misinterpreted especially that I don’t know the whole story.

    • I often feel the urge to understand what goes on. It might be because something feels relatable, or I think there’s a story that may teach me something.
      I know that makes me risk to appear as nosy. 😄
      It took me a while to take action regarding this ‘issue’, because I’m generally like you, I tend to avoid getting involved.

    • I support and like your attitude and that is the most near my own feeling, thinking and sensitivity… I don’t understand people who are reading other people’s comments and personal issues or similar… I actually don’t understand their interest in that… I never do that at least not till now when some people started writing something related to me, and that is the only reason I’m interested in other people’s comments, or on the other hand if it is something related to the site which is a general theme for all the users…
      Actually a lot of the frustration came from what other people were saying/thinking about some of the issues I had with some people, that only provoked even more frustration since everyone will interpret it the way they want even though they don’t have enough info… That is what frustrates me the most…
      But on the other hand, maybe they should look at themselves for even having such a need for reading other people’s personal things… I’m like defending myself here all the time lately and that makes it look even worse!… 😐
      Kisses to you…! ;*)

      • I classified the negative attention you’ve been receiving as bullying, but I don’t know how appropriate it was. I believe everyone has the right to defend themselves. I can see how frustrating it is when you’re judged even for trying to explain yourself, but you’re still here because you’re as sensitive as strong. 🙂

        • (just to know my answer was to Sharon but I’m glad you express your opinion on it too… :))

          Oh… Ok, thanks much…! 🙂 I didn’t feel it as bullying, mostly as Avoiding and “silent judging” and just felt as a bully since I think they see me like that – like a conflict person… I know I can sound awful when fighting but that’s only because of my frustration for the things I consider not nice… There is also the possibility of interpreting things wrongly from both sides… I also don’t like when someone replies to me like “ok, nice, I understand you” and then says something else in someone else’s post on the same theme, I noticed some answers like that so I guess people tend to be “polite”…

          Yes, maybe because I’m explaining myself too much… Thank you for thinking so, I guess you are right… 😉

  6. I agree with you although it is a great problem when no matter how much you try some people will never understand what you are talking about and the place you’re coming from… I regret even trying to be understood by some…

    You shouldn’t take it that personally…

    • I wouldn’t regret trying, because failure means experience and experience means wisdom. At least you find out what doesn’t work. Perhaps, while walking or showering, you get some ‘breakthroughs’, words you could have used that might have worked. I’m more grateful than regretful when this happens. 🙂
      I’m not saying being misunderstood is a positive thing, but every cloud has a silver lining. These bad emotions also work as a source of creativity. I hope it will be the same for you, if you ever get to experience something alike again.

      No problem, I hardly ever take things personally.
      Truth: I do. I talk to myself first, ranting or making fun of the situation. Then I act nicely, like nothing happened. 😄

      • Yes, that is true, but I tried many times and you can’t affect someones character… That is the problem… They are too insensitive towards some kinds of kindness or understanding…..
        Yes, at least that… I know what you mean and that’s ok and I agree with it certainly in Some part, but the problem is I didn’t come here to make friends in the terms of being too personal with the people i don’t know at all, that is just not my thing… I am kind towards the ones who are kind to me and understand me, then I tend to do the same for them, and not just for them.., so I don’t even want to have a problem that some people somewhere on the internet and in the world affect me that much (negatively) so I even have to think about it that way… I caught myself yesterday thinking about these in a very overwhelming way, it is like I had a personal problem – with the people I know – what I want to say people here shouldn’t affect me at all that way, NEVER….. (Positive effect and some small effect and thinking is ok, that is a normal thing, but this…, No…..)
        That is true… But this is not that, this is already too negative although I am trying to “learn” something from it and try to overcome it by changing my “tactics” and the way of communication here (to get back to what it was – reserved and impersonal one when it’s needed)… That is what I tried in that (ghostwriter’s) post but she couldn’t handle it and sent me a PM where stated some completely abnormal and irrational things… I tried to explain but just no worth… Nothing can help her understand nor I should try it nor I should have even tried to comment on her post (Again)…..

        I know, we all (probably) do… I can’t fake and don’t think it’s healthy either….. Unfortunately my “rage” is understood as bullying and not a reaction towards something bad I was exposed to (I am too sensitive… :/ But I guess all artists are with some (unfortunate) exceptions of some of them here… ;/| 😀 )

        • It’s like taking a test where there’s only one correct answer, no other option will work. The school eventually gives up and no longer allows you to take the exam. It’s a pity. I don’t think people are truly insensitive, but some manage to hide their emotions well, it’s a known defense mechanism. 🙂

          • I wrote so much that now I don’t even know on what you answered me and what you tried to say…, hah…! 😀 Not quite sure what you mean, sorry….. :/|((( 🙂

            No, it’s not that, these were the things they showed no appreciation nor compassion to when it comes to using the site and some of the rules which they see a little differently than me, and also when it comes to doing something for other people “in return” too (I already explained that in the comments in my article I think)… But nevermind………. 😐

  7. A friend of mine always says “start with me.” I try to take that to heart. The reality of the hostility is that there are justified causes (the platform at times Virily, can be annoying). I am glad you brought this up. Hard topic!

    • Some friction is fine, and we shouldn’t make a big deal of out it. Easier said than done, because I’m a drama queen in disguise. 😄
      The true hostility is what worries me, because it can create division, and segregation. We are a small tribe and shouldn’t allow this to happen.
      I’m not too proud of having brought this up, but thank you. 🙂

      • Hehehe, good that you admit it, heheh 😉 Just joking, I’m kinda “a little’ dramatic too although I tend to not to “react” anymore and to point to some (bad) things that come from the other person in a more reserved way… :/ The thing is that when people don’t understand you it can be quite frustrating and even very negative from their side.. It’s very hard not to react on that since I am a very sensitive person…

          • The worst kind of deaf person is someone who doesn’t want to hear, I’m all for trying but I keep in mind I might fail. 😅
            I knew yours were reactions, only fools would think you’re cruel, but it’s important to stay cool and avoid abusive talk at all costs, even provoked. It takes nothing to become the culprit, as long as there’s something called “excessive use of force in self-defense”. 😕

          • To me it looks like there are some, and possibly because of the cultural differences… It’s ok and don’t force yourself if it’s like that… I don’t like to be involved in other people’s problems too – I have my own limits in that…

            Thanks, I’m glad you see me that way and think so, I felt like I’m the one being that from other people’s reactions about my reactions… I guess I too have some “defense mechanisms”… That is used only after several or many tries of normal explanations…

          • Those who can’t justify reactions often bring up this “excessive self-defense” thing. Even calm explanations can be dangerous as some people might not be able to discern them from provocations, especially when two people think so differently that, no matter what they say and how they do, they’re continuously hurting each other. I experienced that on a Facebook group: a moderator said he was going to ban whoever spoke again. I was respectful the whole time and never lost my temper, but I ended up being as guilty as those who heavily insulted me. I didn’t understand how it could have been possible, but I accepted that and moved on. Can’t hide I thought of that obsessively the next days.

          • Yes, unfortunately that happens and I don’t find it fair at all… Unfortunately, when someone tells me something like that I can not resist but to do the opposite, it’s just I don’t like such exclusive and unfair behaviors… I can understand them in some situations but not always… So, I do understand how and why you kept thinking about it… These things frustrated me the same, because there are such people here too, at least similar in a way…
            I was also thinking and since that’s the situation I might change my behavior and not care about them at all and do the things only for myself.. I also must say, maybe there are some things we don’t know so that even when it looks people don’t care (in returning favors) maybe it’s just something else, less time or just different characters… :/

        • I know. All it takes is to say “you hurt my feelings”, but most people prefer to start wars and reply with things like “[redacted] you piece of [redacted]” making “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings” the least immediate response. I blame pride for this.

          I didn’t mention names because I knew those who were involved would know. Those who aren’t involved don’t need to know, that’s common sense, and I hope I didn’t bother anyone with my post.

          • You are right… I always try with an explanation first but then it happens that person doesn’t understand… Unfortunately, when I’m hurt, eventually, if the argue lasts long, I can say some things like that and swore… :/| The problem is I think many people consider me toxic here because of that but what they don’t see is it’s just a reaction on their own emotional incapability or cruel rigidity…

            For example, if I say to someone you could visit my posts too sometimes (because I’m visiting and supporting all of theirs) some people here interpret it as something bad, while I see and consider it and think it’s normal to consider such things like: I’m doing much for you, rewarding even what I don’t like much but I appreciate the author which has sometime rewarded me too, we are all here to support eachother, so why wouldn’t you do the same sometimes….. It’s a different thing is my posts are something completely repulsive for them but I doubt everything I post is like that, especially if I thought we mutually already considered eachother friends… But I can understand that too, if someone feels that way, sometimes I feel that way too but sometimes I do some things even if I don’t like them in order to return the favor…
            Will continue later the other replies… 😉

          • I tried to say that (maybe not with such words but I think it was clear from my sayings..) but it wasn’t understood… I was “accused” of “acting like a child” and “being toxic” later…

            Your post isn’t bothering…, what’s bothering is that now all the people will again express their own non-understanding and judging and accusations toward something I was involved into not knowing all the reasons, actual happenings and everything… That is the only thing that frustrates me and provokes me to Again having to write the same things I already wrote many times, which then looks like I’m doing something bad Again….. That’s the problem… 😐
            At least, if they read everything I write and not just what they want to see and think… I just don’t understand the people reading other people’s comments too (I already said that).

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