sabtraversa
Something has been taking place lately.
Someone might say it is not my business, but it is.
It started to affect me on an emotional level.
I’m not angry or disappointed, but sad. Simply sad.
I’ve never discussed about internal issues. I never felt entitled to do so.
Honestly, I didn’t even want to talk about this and be part of the problem.
I thank the people who inspired me to make this post.
The Virilian community is wonderful, because there is love everywhere.
It is real, the people are real, and you can feel it.
While we might have different interests or come from different backgrounds, we all have something in common: the love, the passion, and the ambition.
We admire and we’re admired back. We are the perfect family!
Unfortunately, this is not enough.
There are barriers that hold us from achieving peace.
Barriers that words won’t overcome, because words created them in the first place.
I’m talking of communication barriers.
Nobody is evil here, we all act in the name of love.
However, the way we act is not always understood, or appreciated.
Nobody is to blame, we’re all victims of a common enemy.
These barriers lead to hostility, and bullying.
Yes, bullying. It’s a strong word, I know.
I wish it was easier for the members of this wonderful community to accept and respect each other. It is difficult because it takes two people to make a connection, but it’s possible.
-
This is the sad reality of the real world. But we can do better, can we?
-
Yes
-
No
-
Bullying is everywhere especially online and I think we are all responsible to call it out when we see it.
That’s the right thing to do, but most people seem to prefer joining the bullies and make things worse. ?
Meant to say I like the illustration
Thanks, I really loved the colors and composition and thought it was appropriate enough for the topic. ?
We are not a product of our past but our choices.
The bane of my family members is poor communication skills.
In themselves my family do their level best but in the name of good quite often they lost the entire plot, I include myself.
Must be honest, I do anything to avoid conflict.
So as well as being kind to others at the same time be kind to yourself. Well, I need to learn that.
Bullying in New Zealand is particularly bad and that needs to change. Recent example was a kin to the Christchurch massacre. OK done by an Australian man, but New Zealand already had warning signs and ignored the threats which is typical of our NZ thought.
They should have taken the threats before hand seriously
You’re absolutely right. It happens too often that the actions of few have a negative impact on those who weren’t involved in the first place.
I’ve always thought of New Zealand as a peaceful country, but I guess everyone has their own internal struggles. There’s no perfect place in the world. ?
Hmmm… because there already have been so many comments and replies here, I will only say, rebuke and remind me if there are words that offend you.
Thank you, Albert! ?
Please do the same with me, if it’ll ever be the case.
Emh… Looks like I will choose to always appreciate and praise you. I think it’s safer for us and the world.
As Vidocka mentions above, everyone should leave his bad mood before sitting in front of the computer. Nobody is obliged to tolerate negativism. We all need understanding, warmth and mutual respect.
Exactly! Good vibes only, so to speak. ?
I think I haven’t been very active lately and that is why I haven’t noticed the bullies or nasty comments. I hope we can all strive to be better.
I don’t know how serious the situation truly was, but it had to do with people I care about, and made me sad enough to write this post. I hope so. It would be great to have a happy place on the internet we can rely on. ?
I have to be careful that I do not become self righteous over what I like in entertainment and what I do not like in entertainment that is vulgar and dark.
Yes, there’s a fine line between having opinions, or preferences, and judging, or condemning. Sadly, that’s one of the main reasons misunderstandings or unhealthy arguments take place.
For example my disagreement is when someone mentioned that Kate Smith was anti Semitic and a racist for her songs that recorded in the 1930s but those same people will not admit that some rap song titles are so offensive that the titles of the songs have to be censored.
As long as we admit to ourselves that we can do better, all is not lost. Then we just have to get into the habit of doing better, a little bit every day. Imagine what would change if we all did that each day for a whole year…
Indeed. It takes a positive attitude for doing better every day, not something that’s always simple to master. It might develop naturally, or it can rise to the surface once we find ourselves at the bottom. I mean, it’s easier to do better when you can’t do any worse. ?
you’d think that, but there are folks that always manage to do worse. when they hit rock bottom, they pull out a jackhammer…
It’s a great post and nothing is wrong to present this topic. I also observe some comments that do not belong to this site. I think of what people are doing to affect someone, and that in words. They are angry, disappointed, have a bad day, but this is not an excuse. I always say, first take a deep breath and then the world will be better ?
True, that would be the best way to act. There isn’t much to do after the damage has been done, except accepting it and moving on. Judging and rebuking should be avoided, it often makes things worse. That’s why I was hesitant about posting this, because I was afraid it was taken as some sort of lecture. ?
I take more than a deep breath, I take minutes to talk to myself. It must be why I’m not very active here, I spend more time thinking than acting. ?
This kind of atmosphere is present in almost any site that I joined but one. So, I was not surprised when I feel the same thing here. I am not a native English speaker so there are times when I can’t truly comprehend what others are saying. Even if found the meaning of the words they are using. When I can sense that some issues or misunderstanding among several members is going on, I would try my best to stay away from that topic/conversation. Not that I wouldn’t want to help but I just thought that I might be misinterpreted especially that I don’t know the whole story.
I often feel the urge to understand what goes on. It might be because something feels relatable, or I think there’s a story that may teach me something.
I know that makes me risk to appear as nosy. ?
It took me a while to take action regarding this ‘issue’, because I’m generally like you, I tend to avoid getting involved.
I classified the negative attention you’ve been receiving as bullying, but I don’t know how appropriate it was. I believe everyone has the right to defend themselves. I can see how frustrating it is when you’re judged even for trying to explain yourself, but you’re still here because you’re as sensitive as strong. ?
I wouldn’t regret trying, because failure means experience and experience means wisdom. At least you find out what doesn’t work. Perhaps, while walking or showering, you get some ‘breakthroughs’, words you could have used that might have worked. I’m more grateful than regretful when this happens. ?
I’m not saying being misunderstood is a positive thing, but every cloud has a silver lining. These bad emotions also work as a source of creativity. I hope it will be the same for you, if you ever get to experience something alike again.
No problem, I hardly ever take things personally.
Truth: I do. I talk to myself first, ranting or making fun of the situation. Then I act nicely, like nothing happened. ?
It’s like taking a test where there’s only one correct answer, no other option will work. The school eventually gives up and no longer allows you to take the exam. It’s a pity. I don’t think people are truly insensitive, but some manage to hide their emotions well, it’s a known defense mechanism. ?
You bring up an interesting point I also have observed in many places. We have to all check our attitudes and make sure we stay focused on what we say and do I suppose.
Thank you! Yes, that’s true. The pen is mightier than the sword, we are responsible for what we say and how we act. Maybe less responsible for what others understand, but staying cool is a duty. ?
A friend of mine always says “start with me.” I try to take that to heart. The reality of the hostility is that there are justified causes (the platform at times Virily, can be annoying). I am glad you brought this up. Hard topic!
Some friction is fine, and we shouldn’t make a big deal of out it. Easier said than done, because I’m a drama queen in disguise. ?
The true hostility is what worries me, because it can create division, and segregation. We are a small tribe and shouldn’t allow this to happen.
I’m not too proud of having brought this up, but thank you. ?
scary number – 5200 active users on Virily. We are not as small a community as we used to be.
Scary number, indeed!
That’s why I look at the activity, not at the active users. ?
activity seems to flow in huge swings. Lots for a time, and then none.
I know. All it takes is to say “you hurt my feelings”, but most people prefer to start wars and reply with things like “[redacted] you piece of [redacted]” making “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings” the least immediate response. I blame pride for this.
I didn’t mention names because I knew those who were involved would know. Those who aren’t involved don’t need to know, that’s common sense, and I hope I didn’t bother anyone with my post.
The worst kind of deaf person is someone who doesn’t want to hear, I’m all for trying but I keep in mind I might fail. ?
I knew yours were reactions, only fools would think you’re cruel, but it’s important to stay cool and avoid abusive talk at all costs, even provoked. It takes nothing to become the culprit, as long as there’s something called “excessive use of force in self-defense”. ?
I think I ended up replying to the wrong comment.
*hides in a corner, in shame*
Those who can’t justify reactions often bring up this “excessive self-defense” thing. Even calm explanations can be dangerous as some people might not be able to discern them from provocations, especially when two people think so differently that, no matter what they say and how they do, they’re continuously hurting each other. I experienced that on a Facebook group: a moderator said he was going to ban whoever spoke again. I was respectful the whole time and never lost my temper, but I ended up being as guilty as those who heavily insulted me. I didn’t understand how it could have been possible, but I accepted that and moved on. Can’t hide I thought of that obsessively the next days.
You must always be able to predict what’s next and then have the flexibility to evolve.
Yes, some intuition would help! ?
It takes adaption to survive, but living is about evolving. Totally agree. ?
Yes it happens and yes it is sad. I don’t know how you solve it.
Perhaps we can’t cure the disease, but cope with the symptoms. ?
If there was ever a way to solve it, I think dialogue would help. Unfortunately, most of the time, something gets in the way. I guess it’s either fear, or pride.
I can imagine. It takes a very dispassionate dialogue from both sides, and that’s quite unlikely.