Freedom and security never go together

Just after finishing school, my two friends married very rich men. Married and nothing worked. Still, it seemed to me that doing nothing while hiding behind a financially strong back takes a lot of courage. Because what if ..?

I felt free in my relationships – to express yourself, to be, to look, to go deep within myself and to look for the happiness that I thought then was like a rainbow – you go towards it, but you still do not reach it. There were dangers along with freedom – from traveling wherever I wanted to fears of not having money for next month’s rent. Even though I was really not afraid of it – I had nothing, I didn’t love anything and no one, so I was free.

But now I have so much. I love and I feel loved. By the strangest coincidences, I landed in my own world that I call rainbow – as if I had finally come to it. I have everything, even happiness. The freedom I changed to happiness and also got the bonus – the stifling fear of losing it all. When you have nothing, then you need nothing. Freedom and security never go together.

© Fortune, 2009