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This is why we pay our law makers the big bucks…

 

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There are a lot of laws in the USA. A lot of them make sense. Don’t kill people. Don’t rob people. These are good laws. They are reasonable. No one, except for those who want to kill and rob, would disagree with them.

Sometimes laws do not make sense. They may have at one time but they don’t any longer. These are some laws which are still on the books in Illinois. I’m sure the list is not exhaustive.

  • In Chicago it is illegal to eat in a restaurant that is on fire.
  • Also while in Chicago, you can forget about taking your poodle to the opera. I guess Great Danes are OK.
  • If you are a woman who weighs more than 200 pounds, you cannot wear shorts while riding a horse in the Windy City..
  • Kites still cannot be flown legally withing the city limits of Chicago. As an aside, the city sponsors a kite-flying festival each year along the lakefront. If you decide to skip it and go fishing, make sure you aren’t wearing pajamas.
  • Also in Chicago it is illegal to protest naked in front of city hall unless you are under 17 years of age and have a permit.
  • In Zion, Illinois a man is permitted to force and unmarried woman to marry him if he catches her picking her nose in a car while at a traffic light. (I really need to find the logic behind this one.)
  • In Normal, Illinois (but really, what is Normal), it is illegal to make faces at a dog. BTW, if you are anywhere in Illinois, don’t even think of giving your dog whiskey.
  • If you want to burn your collection of bird feathers, you better do it outside the city limits of Galesburg, Illinois.
  • Midget and dwarf tossing is illegal in Springfield bars, but is legal in other parts of the city if you have a permit.
  • A man’s female companion shall call him “master” while out on a date. The law does not apply the man and woman are married.
  • Speaking English is not allowed in Illinois. Instead, you must speak “American.” It is the state’s officially recognized language.
  • If you want to sell your wheelbarrow in Des Plaines, the For Sale sign may not be chained to a tree.
  • Eureka forbids men with moustaches from kissing a woman.
  • Homer bans slingshots unless your are a law enforcement officer.
  • It is illegal for barbers to use their fingers to apply shaving cream to a customer’s face.
  • It is illegal for anyone to give a lighted cigar to a dog, cat, or other pets.
  • In Joliet, mispronouncing the name of the city gets you a $5 fine.
  • One may not pee in his neighbor’s mouth in Champaign, IL.
  • You must contact the police before entering the city in an automobile.
  • Humming on public streets is prohibited on Sundays in Cicero.
  • Cars may not be driven through the town of Crete
  • Evanston can be a real drag. Bowling is forbidden as is trick-or-treating on Halloween. You also are not allowed to change clothes in an automobile with the curtains drawn, except in case of fire.
  • Freeport bans spitting from any second-story window. Third floor, no problem.
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Written by Gary J Sibio

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