Like most people, I suspect I have lines where there are happy times, and lines where there are sad times. My saddest lines, the ones that I don’t want to cross but sometimes I do, are the losses. There are many huge losses in my life to date. Friends that I lost forever. Three of my four parents (I never met my first wife’s parents) are now gone. I miss Joan Raising. I miss golfing with Les Ralstin. I know it sounds strange, but sometimes I miss arguing with my father. Yes. I also miss conversations, sharing and just being in the same room with him. I miss my grandfather and his gentle hand. He was always there with great advice and a potential path forward. Think, he would always say, about this.
He, my grandfather, and I often took long walks and talked. I miss those. I miss spending the day just shopping with my mother. She and I also have a great passion for Peter Sellers movies. We would rush to the teacher with each new Pink Panther movie. We also love Agatha Christie movies. I do still get to talk to mom on Sunday’s and when we visit her or she visits us, and that is a wonderful thing. A very happy line to cross not sad. Then there are people I don’t talk to anymore. For whatever reason, of which I am sure part is my fault, we don’t speak anymore. Some of them, because they aren’t ready to accept that part, well in fairness even ½ the issue is their responsibility, fault if you have to assign blame.
Recently in thinking about those I no longer talk to, I’ve come to realize that the best thing for me to do is to continue moving on. I cannot change perceived injustice. It is perceived and not real. There is nothing I can do now to make it go away. I am responsible for my ½ of all situations. I won’t take more than ½ of an issue. It has taken me a few years to get to this place as a person. But I know, I do my best. I try my hardest. I am sorry to anyone I’ve wronged. But to those who don’t bother to return that sentiment, I don’t need to apologize. Apologies are two-way streets, and if you can’t be bothered to be on the street, I don’t need to apologize to you. Let me know when you are ready. I am ready.
Life is a series of lines. The hardest line to draw is the one we have to draw to protect ourselves.