Ghostwriter
My brother has made his decisions. He is going to attempt two surgeries. One of the surgeries is an open heart surgery to repair his valves. His SLE Lupus has taken everything he has. I am afraid that he is doing this for me and not because it is what he wants. I have spent the entire day worrying about it. I have got lots of cleaning and such done, but it is all nervous energy. I am scared and I don’t know how to deal with it. I have no control over my emotions today at all.
I am not sure that I can do this. I have lived with my brother longer than I lived with my parents, longer than I have lived with my husband, and I have taken care of him for the last few years, but I have not done enough. Things are not getting better. I have failed him.
I can’t pretend that I am brave any more. I am not brave. I am terrified. I don’t want to be here without him and I don’t want him in any more pain.
There are no answers.
I simply can’t do this.
Begin with the Gloria Gaynor song I will Survive and you will. Your brother has to do what is best for him and in the long run, it might turn out to be beneficial. You just have to pull yourself together and pull through all of this with a prayer to the Lord. I have had my moments and things have gotten pretty bad a times but as long as I knew the Lord was there to hold me up I got through it all.
Thank you for the kind words and great advice.
You are a strong person. In your heart of hearts, you have a path. It may not seem like an easy path (I doubt any of us has an easy path) but it is passable.
Robert Frost said “I came upon a fork in the road. And I took the path less traveled. And I am all the better for it.”
You are on the path less traveled, you will survive!
Okay Doc I see your logic and I appreciate it today. I am hopeful that I will find some pretty sights and some comfort somewhere along this path. I guess the truth is I am afraid I will survive and I will have to be here without him. That feels unbearable.
Okay , I said it out loud and now I must carry on and let’s see, rip up carpet!
you are a powerful force with much to bring to the world! Watch out carpet!
Well be enough strong . Thank you
I am not sure how to d do that.
What needs to be done has to be done. Just take it in your stride if you can
I am giving it my best, my best simply is not good enough. Something has to change.
You have not failed him. Make sure that you understand that much. I’m sorry that you are so scared. We are here to support you. You can talk to any of us.
Yes you can do this. I lived through witnessing my 16 y/o son take his life. You got this! Wishing him good thoughts through the surgeries. Deep breaths …. deep breaths.
I never had any idea what happened to Dustin, until now. 🙁
Yes Art, it was suicide that took him away.
I am sorry you had to see that and deal with it. I have no idea where your strength comes from and I am grateful you have it.