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Fear

My brother has made his decisions. He is going to attempt two surgeries. One of the surgeries is an open heart surgery to repair his valves. His SLE Lupus has taken everything he has. I am afraid that he is doing this for me and not because it is what he wants. I have spent the entire day worrying about it. I have got lots of cleaning and such done, but it is all nervous energy. I am scared and I don’t know how to deal with it. I have no control over my emotions today at all. 

I am not sure that I can do this. I have lived with my brother longer than I lived with my parents, longer than I have lived with my husband,  and I have taken care of him for the last few years, but I have not done enough. Things are not getting better. I have failed him. 

I can’t pretend that I am brave any more. I am not brave. I am terrified. I don’t want to be here without him and I don’t want him in any more pain. 

There are no answers.

I simply can’t do this.

What do you think?

15 points
Legend

Written by Ghostwriter

 

 

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14 Comments

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  1. Begin with the Gloria Gaynor song I will Survive and you will. Your brother has to do what is best for him and in the long run, it might turn out to be beneficial. You just have to pull yourself together and pull through all of this with a prayer to the Lord. I have had my moments and things have gotten pretty bad a times but as long as I knew the Lord was there to hold me up I got through it all.

  2. You are a strong person. In your heart of hearts, you have a path. It may not seem like an easy path (I doubt any of us has an easy path) but it is passable.

    Robert Frost said “I came upon a fork in the road. And I took the path less traveled. And I am all the better for it.”

    You are on the path less traveled, you will survive!

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