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Memories of Dustin

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On December 9th, 2002 I lost my only child. Dustin will always be 16 in my mind. Sure I have all of the what if’s and who would you be today. I have to try and stop my mind from going there. It is a roller coaster that will never stop. I have times when I can only remember the good times, then the difficult times take over. You never get over losing a child. You can only find ways to get through. I hope nobody ever has to lose a child. So, learn from me, always savor each and every moment you have. Tell your loved ones how much you love them. We never know what tomorrow holds for any of us.

I will be on the road to my Dad’s for this year’s “anniversary” date of losing my brother on December 8th, 2015 and my son in 2002. Lost my sister on Christmas day in 2012. My Mother died when I was 14. I will visit all of them in the cemetery. Lots and lots of emotional roller coasters headed my way this weekend.

Trying not to create such a depressing post. But I also want my son to be remembered. He loved fishing and playing football. He taught me how to play football actually. And was a pro at video games and computers. So many good things to remember. He was like a big brother to his friends in the neighborhood. That says a lot about his personality. He always put others first.

A favorite quote ~Those we love and lose are not where they used to be. They are now wherever we are.

Dustin Overalls

Another favorite. Love his expression. Look close at his band-aid on the outside of his overalls for his "bo-bo"! Great memory.

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Dustin Fishing

One of many favorite moments. Dustin fishing. His Uncle (my brother) was standing behind him. I lost my brother in 2015.

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Dustin in Tub

Sweet sweet memories. How I miss this little boy.

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Written by Carol DM

21 Comments

  1. You really suffered losses in your life. I am so so sorry for all you lost and now your uncle even though he was 90. How he died was horrible. I have heard from others that know someone that got the virus how horrible it is. I have no human children so do not know what it is like to lose a child, but, have heard how hard it is.

  3. I can feel the pain in your writing. A child is part of you and losing one will be a wound that won’t heal even with the passing of time. Every single person and thing that we have are all Divine Gifts – Dustin included. God call him away. I do not know if you will be interested but there is a book called Easy Death by ADI DA SAMRAJ. I try to express and share wisdom I remembered from it thru my writings but it will never be enough. If you have time, please check and read it. Then, one day, you will understand better why Dustin left so early in life. It will not cure your sadness but it will teach something that will make you realize your child is not really gone. And so, you can go on loving him until eternity. I will not say I am sorry for your loss. Because although I understand the pain, I also know that it is not a loss. Take care Carol.

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    • Thank you for your kind words. Dustin was 16 when I lost him. I will never be the same I will never understand it, no matter how much time passes. I am learning how to get through, as you never get over. I will check out the book. I am always open for suggestions on this forever journey. Thank you again.

      • Too young. The good one dies young, they say. The book will help you understand in some way and you can continue to have relationship with Dustin but, hopefully, in a different way. It does not say anything about forgetting or being the same. It will just make you understand more. We never lose anyone. It is only that you are here and he is there. But he never leaves. And so you can continue to love him, treasure him – unconditionally. Without pain. Or embracing and loving the pain. The book has so much wisdom that my words will never be enough to convey the same to you.

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  4. Thank you for sharing the photos of your son and some of your memories. Such losses are impossible for us to understand, and just as impossible to explain to others, even to those who have had similar experiences. Because part of the process of dealing with losses like this is the experience of everything beautiful hurting our hearts, they are especially difficult during the holidays. I know that this does not ease the pain of the losses, but you are not alone. Please travel safely.

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    • Thank you Roberta. I returned yesterday finally. So much to post about.
      I appreciate your kind words. I know I am not alone and I hope I can help others perhaps.
      I will share more about Dustin at a later time.
      These were the early memories.

  7. I can not suggest anything because I’m sure you know all the suggestions. It’s just that, for the sake of your current breath which is a divine blessing, recall all the beauty every second but put the pain in the iron box and padlock, then discard the key. I know you can do it because you are a special person.

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    • I have read and heard many over the years but never turn down support. I sort of put the pain up on a shelf when it gets unbearable. I eventually go back and pick it up but am leaning to leave it up there a little longer. Thank you.

  8. Your son probably saw this post and is hugging you and saying,”Smile Mom like I do everyday.” May the peace that passes all understanding be with you always.

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