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A Very Good Question

My husband asked me a very good question today and I have no idea where it came from. It wasn’t something he would normally say and not in that way. It startled me.  I told him I was starting to post my goals and accountability gain on the site.  He said, “Is this something you can with your heart and soul because if you can’t, you will be hurt by it every day.” He then just stood right here next to me as I kept typing. When I paused he didn’t move or talk.

I stopped and felt fear. He is right. I talk about things here that truly mean something to me. It’s not just chit chat, it’s my life, my joys, my worries, my mistakes, my dreams, it’ me. It’s authentic.

I was reminded of the first time I saw the northern lights. It was so beautiful I just cried. I was seven years old and my Mom put her arm around me and said: “Who do you think is painting the sky for you?” I said with complete faith and belief, “It’s Granddad. He knows I need to see him sometimes.” I will never forget the way that felt. I believed it.

When I share my life, goals, and struggles I am sharing a piece of me and that is a risk. Sometimes I feel like it is a risk worth taking and then comes the shadow of my sister who took her life because she believed that no one could see who she truly was. It’s a hard line to walk. I never feel like I am walking completely alone. I am carrying her. 

My siblings often talk about me needing to heal completely. I don’t know what that means to them. I will never stop missing her. I will try and go on every day and every day I wish she was here. I love my sister that is still with us more than I can say and we have a great relationship and very different than any other. It’s not the same thing and it will never be.

So, if you took the time to really read this, you have a part of me. I shared a part of my core, my soul and my heart. Other people do it here every day as well. Please take care of each other.

I  finally got it all done and added the picture. My husband ended the conversation with an odd statement and then wandered off. “Sometimes I wish God would just her himself, I can’t remember all this stuff.”

  • Do you ever open up and share because you feel like some stranger might need something that only you have to offer?

    • Yes
    • No
    • No

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Written by Ghostwriter

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14 Comments

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  1. i find my path is often led via following others. In seeing what others consider, think and share I am able to understand what I feel.

    i understand missing someone and feeling often incomplete. your thoughts, dreams, ideals and words often lead me to remember happy things about my dad.

    without you, I wouldn’t have that as often!

  2. Sometimes knowing someone else is in the same shoe as you, understanding you is comforting enough.

    But still, the bottom line is, you must feel comfortable and happy sharing your thoughts …
    I think that’s the most important

  3. Yes, it does take a certain courage to write about yourself like that.

    I often disguise my writing, when I’m really writing about myself, and my life, by my writing a short story about some other fictional character instead. I feel less vulnerable that way.

  4. Those who we have loved and lost are never where they once were. They are now wherever we are.

    I truly believe this statement. It was shared not long after losing my son by a parent who lost her child. She shared her pain, which was very similar to mine. That made here words that much more meaningful. I continue to share these words, many years later, in hopes of helping others as it continues to help me.

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