Elena Bojchovska
The overprotection, or helicoptering as I like to call it, can cause way more negative than positive effects. Whether it is a child, a partner, a friend or whoever in question, the risk of causing the exact opposite effect of what you want to see is huge. There are many reasons why you should stop doing such thing if you happen to find yourself in the position of the over protector. However I will mention only some of them.
>> You cut the other person’s will to live as they want
Your intention might be positive and you are doing it so to protect the other person. However if you start doing it harder and harder, the other person might be in a position to only follow your rules instead of following his instinct and will. As we live in the century we live, no one deserves nor has to be obligated to live according to someone else’s rules.
>> You don’t let the other person choose for herself
Sometimes it is even better to make the wrong choice as this is how one grows and learns. The mistakes are an excellent indicator that you are trying! No one was born perfect nor already smart, therefore the best way to choose what’s best for you is by going through something that’s wrong for you. How would you know what’s best for other person if you only have one body and one mind!? Let the other people live as they want! They all have right to be wrong!
>> Your mistakes become somebody else’s mistakes
Who guarantees you that your choices are the best choices!? Why to put yourself in a position to be wrong for another person? You can only speak according to your experiences and mentality, therefore different people have different choices and that’s what makes this world such a perfect place for living.
>> Once that person sees liberty it will never come back to you ever
When the person that’s been over protected eventually sees some slight liberty, most often than not, this person will never ever come back to you! That’s because we were all born to be free and living in a cage is such a terrible thing.
>> Constantly checking on someone is such a bad habit
There is a lot of truth in the sentence “Confidence is silent. Insecurities are loud.” That’s because only the person that’s insecure inside her has to constantly check on the other people around her. This causes only negative effect and gives a bad image about this person.
>> You create problem where there’s not at a first place
By constantly warning the other person about something or overthinking about some situation this person might find herself in what you do is create problem where there’s not. By focusing on the negative things what you get is more and more of that!
Overprotection is usually or tend to be done by people who feel insecure or have a lot of fear, and such a person has imprisoned himself in his own mind then dragging others into his prison too…
You get it! They are just another kind of toxic people one can have in his life!
You raise some good points. Still with the number of active serial killers at work these days, we should instill some degree of paranoia.
Be aware. Be very aware.
Oh well, I think that the more you forbid something to someone, the more he wants to do it! This is basic psychology. Therefore once the people see some liberty they turn into something the protector never expected! It’s not always the case but the chances are greater if you’ve been overprotected!
Agree with you to a point, but I can relate to your message. I am the youngest of an over protective family. That protected you in one way and did not allow me to defend myself. Not only did I have no choice of my life but I was not allowed to have protection from real threatening situations but I was not allowed to defend myself either.
No I cant live in a cage but my parents put my elder siblings in that position where they felt they had to protect me. It was totally wrong.
However, in hindsight. I have lived that and learned from the experience and now move on.
Thanks so much for your post.
I’m so sorry you’ve had such an experience! We all know that whoever acts overprotective is because they actually love and care too much. My conclusion is that not always but more often than not, they reach the contra effect of what they want.
Humm, part of my job is trying to help people who don’t want to be helped. It can be a bit frustrating. You have to say “Hey, I am your last hope. Take it or leave it.”
Well we all need some help from time to time. The thing is that everyone has the right to choose and be wrong for himself. That’s how one decides what’s best for him after all.
We learn by failure, so when you don’t allow someone to fail you are forcing them to remain ignorant…
That’s one of the best phrases I’ve read related to this topic! I can not agree more!
I enjoyed your article very much, as you can tell it is a subject I care about…
Unless they want to be a sky-diver.
Sounds like a self-correcting problem to me
hahah I never thought about about sky-divers though xD
Who in their right mind would jump out of a perfectly good airplane?
This is so true! However, sometimes it’s hard to find the golden mean in such situations.
I always support liberty and freedom, free will for everyone to choose for himself. I really hope everyone can get the message!
I took the picture myself in a friend’s house in Seville. It was exactly what inspired me to write such article!
Very interesting read indeed!! And the picture is all so correct for the punch line.