Things are rough and have been for at least a year now. I have stopped fighting for something good, fun, enlightening and the only goal is to make it through another day. It is like I am going through the motions of things that need to be done and that is all. I work, I pay my bills, I try and get some sleep. I make certain there is food for the family. I write some.
I can remember times when I used to laugh all day long and love my job. Yesterday my husband asked if I am really ever going to smile again and mean it. I laugh, and no one notices because of the movement I lost in my face. Something just looks and feels off. I am not fighting it. I am simply existing one day at a time to finish each task that must be completed.
I sometimes get a little lost in the music, and yet I feel like a big part of me is simply gone. My husband asked me why I don’t fight for anything anymore. I guess I just don’t what to fight for. I don’t see the future. I see an entire world winding down. I am tired of fighting for things that in the end won’t matter. I guess much like Eeyore I am a realist.
Here, listen to some music, it’s got to be better than reality now.