Without Sounding Instructive, What Is The Best Advice Would Women Give Men About How To Approach Them?

 I have an instructive, funny, brief story… boys considered My sister a stunning youthful woman, fair-haired with wild green eyes. To at least one of them, she looked like a Greek goddess. Besides that, she was a highly gifted student and a soon-to-be veterinarian. – many boys considered her “out of their league”. 

One day, while she was attending lessons for her driving license, a casually dressed but well-groomed, chubby junior guy sat next to her. He wasn’t concentrating on the screen and the security explanations but staring, wide-eyed, at my radiant sister in disbelief. “I hope it is not inappropriate”, he finally, choked, but I would like to say that you are very attractive – and if we exchanged a few words, I’m sure I would also say you are an amiable person. Can I, therefore, invite you for a coffee after the lesson?” My sister smiled. “Oh, I have a boyfriend actually.” (-which was true, BTW), I can see you are a gracious person also and I would have loved to know you, but that would be inappropriate for me.” 

“Oh, sorry I disturbed you then… I apologize,” he said, noticeably disappointed. She smiled once more. “You didn’t bother or disturb me at all, you could not have known I wasn’t single! You did the right thing in every way – you weren’t authoritarian or creepy! You were being nice, respectful, and showed you were genuinely interested in me and you were confident enough to ask me for a coffee, and that’s so flattering! Besides, you are very young – a few boys of your age approach me in this class, and there is plenty of fish in the sea! So don’t be sad – instead, you should be proud of yourself, and use the same approach with the next girl you find attractive. You’re on your way!” 

We talked about this incident later. My sister said that, even though this youthful man wasn’t as handsome as her boyfriend, she would have considered the date had she been single. She found him respectful and interesting. She also said that, as a woman, she felt elated by his kindness and appreciated his confidence. He was unsure and afraid, (she sensed that), yet he ACTED. And this, in her mind, was a clear sign of courage. Courage is the rare quality of acting, despite fear or shyness. Many years have passed. Yet, she still remembers him as a fine and brave young man and wishes him well.

 My conclusion? Be respectful, confident, trust yourself – and make the first move. If the girl rejects you, even if you display the proper chivalry, she wasn’t worth your time, anyway. A lady, even if she is not interested in dating, will be gracious and will refuse with elegance and smoothness if she found you behaved properly; she will do her best not to hurt you, but to actually encourage you. Just try to be kind and brave. You have nothing to fear and nothing to lose.

Tranquilpen© 2020

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