Andre Hartslief
A gas station may be a five-minute drive away from his home, they sell guns. His wife Emily, didn’t realize places like that even existed. Her husband Ryan just walked in and bought a handgun. Earlier, they had gotten into an argument—which, they seldom did—then, he left the house. The following morning, the police knocked on Emily’s door. A construction crew at a nearby abandoned railroad station had found him dead in his car.
We ask “Why?” but “How?”
We tend to think of suicide, as a desperate act following years of torment. The National Institute of Mental Health, tend to think that deep-rooted and complex problems—like depression and other mental disorders, alcohol and drug abuse, family history of suicide—and family violence often hang-over victims, to finally push them over the edge.
Male suicide rates are four times higher than among females. Separation or divorce, in adults, seriously raises the risk of suicide attempts and in young people, disruptive behavior and physical or sexual abuse increase vulnerability.
“He Was Struggling With Nightmares.”
Emily is the wife of this 21-year-old suicide victim, Ryan Frazier, who shot himself with a semi-automatic in November 2008, soon after bringing a lawsuit against a priest who had molested him during his teen years.
Emily was pregnant at the time with their second child and is today the single parent of an 11-year-old son and a 9-year-old daughter. She works in human resources. The priest was convicted in 2007 and sentenced to 30 days in jail.
“He Was Such A Caring Person.”
Ryan and Emily had met in high school and married right out of high school. He was friendly and genuinely cared about everybody. He was one of the top five salespeople in the country for Verizon. He had a six-inch thick business card collection that she still has.
People would write down their number on them as they wanted to meet up with him again because he was such a helpful guy. Ryan was very young, to be handling such a lot of responsibilities and working really hard, along with sleep deprivation of having an infant in the home, as well as his struggles with nightmares since the incident with the priest and, he had also, never used a gun before.
“Do They Ever Screen People For Mental Disorders?”
The police report stated that he had fired test shots out the window of the car. After he died, Emily walked into the same gas station one day where he had bought the gun, and the owner was there. She asked him about the process of selling a gun and if they ever screen people for mental illness prior to selling them a gun.
Then she told the owner, “My husband bought a gun here just before shooting himself.” The owner just mumbled a couple of words but, she couldn’t read his emotions and had no way of telling if he was shocked or just uninterested and he didn’t even say he was sorry. Emily didn’t mention to him, that he was the father of a 5-year-old son and a 3-year-old daughter when he died. Today, she works in human resources. The priest was convicted in 2007 and sentenced to 30 days in jail.
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Did you know someone who committed suicide?
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Yes
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No
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Against the advice of friends to buy a gun, I didn’t.
I had a very dear friend who always said we would sit together when we got old and remember the old times and do a lot of laughing. Then he ended his life and I have my thoughts as to why but so sad I did not get to say goodbye.
Hello, Sandra, that’s a bitter-sweet lesson for each one of us, I mean, we really have this moment, I have so often referred to this: “Life exists only in that tiny space between the last breath you took and the next one you HOPE to take. So, instead of being morbid and heavy-hearted because of knowing exactly how fragile life is when you are with someone who came to spend a bit of time with you, just be NICE because those few moments could very possibly be the last you have together. It reminds me, about last Christmas when my inlaws had a big get together, I got to meet some of them for the first time, there was one lady, in particular, my sister in law’s brother’s wife, who went out of her way to make my wife and me feel welcome. She was our age 60’s and had a bubbly personality. This past Easter-weekend, she and her hubby were spending a quiet week-end and were dancing together to an old favorite song, when she suddenly sighed, the words, “Oh, Pete, my love.” then she slowly slid down towards the floor, never to rise again… I used to tell my dearest, how wonderful she is and that I love her since then, we don’t allow a day to pass without re-affirming our feelings.
Of course, my 16 y/o son Dustin took his life. No explanation given.
Oh, dear God, Carol, I never asked how your little boy had passed, I’m all choked up right now, tears, I thought had dried up long ago, rolling down my cheeks like rain. I wish I could hug you tightly and tell you that everything will be okay, but it won’t stop the hurting, I know. My son just told us not to try and find him, and that it was not because of what we said or did, he has a new family now and is happy! That was 7 years ago. I believe he has changed his name etc. All the leads we had of him, Facebook, Twitter even his personal website was last visited by him, 7 years ago. Over the years some of his closest friends have asked us for information, It is like he never even existed… We wake up every day, expecting to hear from him…
You are fine Andre. You did not know. Many do not. Things will never be ok. My world was turned upside down. But I am finding a way to get through each day. A day at a time. So very sorry about your son. How heartbreaking is your story as well. Never give up hope in seeing your son again one day. Hugs to you.