Is life really difficult for a 30 something woman? Or let me correct it- a 30 something single woman. Is being single in the modern society a sacrilege? Does her social status define her ability to be in a relationship? Surprising as it may sound, I often come across (that includes yours truly), women who have experienced endless interrogation, inquiry, ridicule and even pity, with an extra dose of raised eyebrow, the moment they hear the three simple words “I’m single”. Let’s look at all the wonderful wonder-women out there, in any city of the world, where a majority of 30+ women are single, working and fiercely independent. But, at the same time, the very same status of those women somehow equals to being stereotyped as ‘strong-headed’, ‘self-absorbed’ or even, ‘not a marriage-material’. More so in the Asian societies. It might be a rare thing in the West, but I know quite a handful of people who have had similar experiences. Strange, even in mid 21st century, isn’t it? I might sound like a feminist but I am not. I am just another single, independent, 30 something female, living in the same society. Being single and independent doesn’t have to be an issue; not for the society, and not even for yourself.
Adult Adolescence- the torment within
One would be surprised that the issue is not only with the people around us but also within many of us. As we cross the most dynamic and super-active life of the 20s, and stand on the threshold of 30s, we start getting a little jittery; you have the heart of a 20 something but your mind and body starts feeling older. And before you realize, you are in your mid-thirties and if you have been single, it feels like a dread looming on your head with thousands of questions you start seeking answers to. “Will I even get into a relationship that I desire”, “Oh my friends are all married and have babies” and “Oh my periods are suddenly getting erratic, am I getting old” and let’s not forget the most nagging question- “If I don’t settle down now, when will I?” Well, of course these thoughts are influenced by each and every person that we have surrounded ourselves with. Every one has their two cents to contribute to our already confused state of mind. As a 35 year old woman, I have come to realize that this phase is just like our teenage. We are growing older but we subconsciously want to stay back in the 20s. We want to do a lot of things that we either missed in our last ten years or have really enjoyed and cannot do anymore. I might sound like Carrie Bradshaw from the popular Sex and the City but trust me ladies, we all have a Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte in us, around us, writing our own little story. And the irony is, years might have passed, but nothing has actually changed in the way we think and what we do- we only do it in a different manner. Why does being in your thirties and still single, have to be immensely thought-provoking, or frustrating, or even depressing? And why does it have to be questionable by anyone or even yourself?
To each her own
Everyone has their own reasons of being where they are today- somehow we all know this but we fail to come to terms with it. The whole idea of being independent is so misconstrued, that it bothers me. Like I said, nothing much has changed in the way we think. Independent women are still considered to be self-absorbed, cold, proud, highly opinionated and unadaptable. Why and how is independence related to one’s ability to be in a relationship? Or even being warm or hospitable? Is it not possible that a woman’s independence might or might not be a choice? Bad marriages, failed relationships, wrong career decisions, family responsibilities and not to forget, our own personal mistakes- anything can be the reason for a woman to be single and independent, even on the other side of 30s. Is it really important to judge? Who cares why a woman is single? Yes, everyone seems “concerned”. But if you don’t want anyone to care or give unsolicited advice, you, yourself need to stop caring. If you are single and working your way through, to manage your own life, it’s great! Keep doing it. You might lose out on a few social contacts or family reunions but that will be a small price to pay for your own peace of mind. And I guess it’s absolutely worth it.
Life is tough, no one promised it to be easy and life in a city can be tougher. Being on a job, traveling to and fro and then managing your expenses, household, social life, physical health and state of mind- there are already a whole checklist of things to be taken care of, every single day. The least we expect is to be judged about how we live, why we do what we do and why don’t we do what we are not doing! So, don’t let yourself fall into that trap of being judged by appearing desperate or frustrated. If we are to get married, we will, if there’s an amazing relationship waiting for us, it will come and if nature wants us to have babies, it will happen. Everything has their own timeline of functioning; being desperate to get something or pushing really hard doesn’t get us anywhere.
It might sound easier said than done, but try to hold on, hang in there and let time take its own course. There’s already ‘inspiration and preaching overload’ on social media, and every post contradicts the other. Don’t fall for it. They are written and created by someone like you and me. Find your inspiration or your motivation yourself. Stop trying too hard. Take one thing at a time and deal with it. Take care of your health; staying fit and active can help you get through the daily grind and think positive. And as we see, women today have more health issues than men. Stress is unavoidable. Learn to balance that with ample rest and good diet. Next on your priority is to manage your finances- its really important if you are on your own; whether you are a man or a woman. Work whatever suits your skills and health conditions. Just because you are single and growing older doesn’t mean you have to push yourself to the other extreme. The aim of this blog is not to make you do things because you are single and do not have a choice, but to let you accept this phase of life and be at peace with the “teenage of adulthood”.
Because…it’s your life
There’s a lot more to life than the eyes meet. Discover them. Stop rushing and running. Its okay to slow down, pause, rewind and replay. People around us might seem to be moving faster than we do but we don’t know their stories, we never will, just like they will never learn ours. So let them be. Let yourself be. You don’t ‘have to’ act your age. Let maturity come naturally to you. It does. Life has its own funny ways of teaching things. Learn and unlearn. Don’t hustle where its not needed. Be ordinary or extraordinary. Be lonely or enjoy solitude. Be proud but don’t get bitter about life. Love, get hurt but love again. Stay fit, fall sick but learn the lesson. Work hard but change your job if that takes a toll on your mental or physical health. Just carry on. Life will happen at its own sweet time, give it.