My Top Five Reasons I Am Happy to be Alive; JuNoWriMo Day Seventeen

“It’s all about what you focus on.” That old man’s words are going to repeat themselves to me, forever. He was right.

This morning was another rough wake up. Each morning, the regrets and the memories try creeping in, reminding me of why I should just die.

But, a man’s got to accept himself, just as he is, for the purposes of moving forward. Self-flagellation only serves the drug dealers.

So, here are my top five reasons I am happy to be alive:

1) I will see my children again. Sure, the divorce happened and anyone who only listens to my ex will probably consider me a son-of-a-bitch before they even ask me any questions. And, sure, I made a million mistakes in how I handled everything but I believe, one day, my kids will understand I am only human too and daddy just broke under the pressure.

I will see them again.

2) There is a small circle of people who love me. A friend once said, “There are some seven billion people in this world. If seven of them truly love you, you are doing good.”

Well, I can count a few more than just seven.

3) I have done some good. For reasons which I can’t explain here because I still have people who need protection (and most people won’t even know after I die), I have done some good.

I have impacted lives. Yes, some for the worse but mostly for the better. Those I’ve impacted for the worse – well they needed it. Same with those I have impacted for the better.

4) Women – Just women-in-general. I love women. It’s not always even about sex, per se, but just the opposite sex makes life as a man, wonderful.

The way they laugh at my stupid jokes, the ways they say thank you for a job well done, the way they care enough about things to speak up even in the face of a guy who they know is vicious and violent and three times their size and they still don’t back down (I’ve seen it more times than I care to remember) and the fact that they bear our children.

I love those points (And oh yeah. Boobs. Can’t forget those. Mmmmm)

Women definitely make me glad to be alive.

5) Natural highs. Whether it’s when the beta-endorphines which kick in whenever a workout requires more push and focus than someone normally experiences or whether it’s a desert sunset or whether it’s the sense of achievement whenever I’m able to get a friend home, safely, those natural highs are a major contributor to my overall happiness.

They beat the fake highs and the artificial spirituality of drugs I used to live, every, single time.


What do you think?

Written by DonaldPennington


  1. I have to commend you on this post. You seem to have been through a lot in your life and learned an extreme amount as a result. Wow. Accomplishments, good or bad make a person who they are. I will say one thing here, I have had my ups and downs, nothing compared to yours. I have also been through a divorce but I do see my children. Since my divorce I have not been the same, no not because the ex was the issue, it was all bout my children, always has and always will be. That cut me deep when she took them away from me. And how she hurt their spirit. That is something I will never forgive or forget. I guess we have to hold onto something negative. LOL. Anyway, I commend you on your struggles and your achievements.