The incongruity of being me.

You may think I’m out of my bowl or the dosage was doubled but, I do other things besides environmental, cultural and nonsensical, nautical rhyme.

I sell beads…grin.

I also guide fishers, hunters, hikers, snowshoers, photographers and wild foodies. A sample of my most recent study…

The ubiquitous “Indian pipe”, Ghost Plant” or “Dutchmans’ Britches”. Known in botanical circles as Monoflora Unitropa. He/she is neither plant nor fungus but, a psuedo-parasite. Obtaining it’s nutrition from roots of particular trees, it does not conduct photosynthesis. Therefore it’s a ghastly, translucent pale shade. Upon fertilization the female flowers will turn a pink hue.

I have studied these little horticultural anomalies for two years trying to glean enough data to actually try them, as they have been known to Native Americans as medicinal and some research indicates a suitable alternative to Americas’ current Opioid issue. It would seem they have the potential to be a natural, non addictive morphine substitute.

Sadly, my first actual taste, (Thursday), was experiment halting. They taste like camphor and sweet fern leaves. YUCK! I could only muster 3 chews before purging, somewhat involuntarily…whew!

Raw Mudbug and Peyote buttons taste better. Nonetheless, I took diligent notes and found, almost immediately, a tingling numbness reminiscent of oil of clove or novacaine.

No, sorry, no hallucinations or euphoria.

I’ll have to try a tea, extract or tincture because, damn!, you’d have to really be injured to eat one!

More when I have it,

Phlex Sphincter


What do you think?

Written by Beada Beada


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  1. I was happy to see your name jump up in someone’s comments and to know your were here. I remember you from tsu. I love your writing style and the unique topics you choose. I’m not quite brave enough to sample plants until I know for sure they are safe to taste or consume. I hope your scientific inquiries won’t be the death of you. Please be careful.

    • Great green grins o’ greetings, lovely swimmer. I’m here, sort of, lost October, (calendar challenged), but, re-emerging slowly. Also tickled to see you SpLaSh! about.
      Worry not, my croissant, adventure meals is a lifestyle and I have multiple reference materials, (artifacts, reference books, a mutant tuna or two, imparting irreverent looks none could construe as any good for you). I’m eating my way through this smorgas-forest each day.
      Best wets on you, SpLaSh! >-=^;>

  2. A fish of many scales…? You have made me a bit envious. I have thought about taking people out on hiking tours, pointing out the edible vegetation and water filled ones on the not so beaten paths here in San Diego County. I have also thought about doing Anza Borrego Desert Tours in jeeps for photographers, camping out at night, it is a dark area, great for star gazing.

      • You may like to know, tea toned the taste to a tolerable degree. A single drop did, in fact confirm my suspicion. No muscle or joint aches for an entire 6 hour gruel through thick firewood…Next week I do two. Probably not going to use tractor OR chainsaw. “NO INJURIES”. My mantra. It’s a long and expensive helicopter ride.

    • I spent my youth in the high desert of Nevada, loved it. (also uninhabited). You have TWO morel seasons! You should take kids, show them the cool stuff their parents will NOT appreciate, lizards, cactus flowers, grin.
      Get a deposit. Business is business.

        • Kim, I never intended to be a guide service. It’s a geographical hazard. When residing in a paradise, most want a piece. Word got out to private hunt clubs and ranches that I was always here and knew of the surroundings. So, word of mouth. Or were you asking about the bead or book business? They are internet entities. If you’re asking for you, I’d just get a free webpage. You do not need a site with cart, security, domain name, platform, blah ,blah, blah…You do need a pay pal account or some similar payment processor …Let me know, I’ll make recommendations. You go for it!

          • Thank you for the information, you have answered my questions. This place is also a great tourist destination, and I know the whole county. I’ve been pushing around the idea for years.

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