My unrequited love for Shaun was not totally a negative.
Where other girls jeopardised their future by affairs and dates and broken hearts and that whole social world, I was protected. I never went through the ‘dating game’.
As if a chastity belt had been clamped on at the age of thirteen, I went through ten years untouched. I missed all the drama and distraction. This had enabled me to focus on my studies, get high grades, get a scholarship and now, on my way to professional school, on another scholarship.
Where girls I knew from High School were getting pregnant, going through all sorts of emotional tsunamis, dropping out, failing,condemning themselves to second rate lives, I was not.
When I finished my last exam, knowing how well I had done, walking off that campus for the very last time, there was a congratulatory effervescence.
When I reached home, my mother had baked me a cup cake as a kind of ‘award’ for my dedication to my education.
I felt triumphant, and later, as I sat outside in the sun, wondered if my love for Shaun, was not a kind of armour which I wore to protect me from emotional involvements.
However I would categorise or reflect on my past, I was entering tomorrow without baggage.