I floated down, landed hard but still on my feet. How long has it been? Months and weeks, a few days. I allowed my head to live in the clouds, the life between real and really?
I didn`t mean to say “I love you.” I did. Was that the happy the moment for you? And you? Was that the moment you admitted that this was/is an addiction? The owner.
Can I hate you now? After all of this and that? I look in the mirror and I do love myself, without loving me I cannot love you, and you. Past and present.
Missing those hugs, for whatever they were worth at the time, were they hugs or restraints? Missing the hugs not received.
The control game. Give it to me, now. Silent treatment. The control game. Bend to met in the middle, shall we dance? Who will lead? Okay. Okay. Okay. Thank You.
I see the mountain, the one that the devil put in my way to block my true happiness. Although I looked up the hill and said “No more, you are the past.” Its still there, beating me down, keeping me in the land of hopelessness. No time for the future. The devil. Kicking me again and again.
The word of God, read to me, showing me how to take the blind leap of faith.
Play the game. But… its not fun anymore, no much sadness. Check Mate! The queen is dead or was the queen ever there? But know the honey is sweeter than sugar.
Sand. Its like sand sliding between my fingers, feels so strange and so familiar. Over and over I let it fall from one hand to the other… feeling the sand slide between my fingers.
“My Love, I can`t talk” said Peter. We sit together in silence.
By Andria Perry