More From “Dear Pattaya” – a novel of letters about Fun City

(Frank wants a character called The King to write more salacious emails to him.)

Dear King! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Why haven’t you emailed me for two weeks? Too busy?

Apple Wine Maker and Drinker

Dear Jon,

Why hasn’t The King sent me any more salacious tales? I want ‘em and I don’t get ‘em!

Hi there Fritzyboyo,

It’s your old mate and big disappointment, Jon.

He didn’t write because he can’t write. He got beaten up bad by some of his ladies’ Thai boyfriends. He’s in hospital and he’s even been charged with possession of illegal substances (but maybe the police conveniently mistook his Viagra for prohibited speedos). Anyways, he’s not up to anything at the moment.

But I am. I hear he told you I get high on tea in the morning. That’s quite right, and in the late morning it’s coffee, but the high spot of my day is my early lunch. When that gets put in front of me I change into a wolfish person and gobble and glare and salivate and crunch and crinch it all down in next to no time at all.

Ha! I bet you regret having me salivating (on) you? But why don’t you get back over here soon? I can’t keep up with The King, he’s right, so it would be just as well for you to abandon your business for two or three weeks and hit the town, Pattaya town. Good advice, you’ll have to admit. Get that titillating butt of yours over here sooner than soon.

Remember as well not to make such a basic mistake as The King’s. The girls love money, they want payment, they have Thai guys who will enact revenge at the drop of a hat. The know-all Terry forgot that or just wanted to upset the girls too much. I’m not justifying what happened but just hope The King’s head will unswell minimally.




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