THE WORDS MY FATHER HAVE KEPT TO HIMSELF

Here I am musing about how life have really changed from what it used to be growing up. There have been so much change in almost every aspect of our human life, but for this post I will look at a culture I grew up in and still live in.

You must have been wandering in your heart now, “where is he taking this to?” But let me give you a little background to how I got to the point where I began to muse about how our lifestyle in this 21st century have changed since I came into this world. I was at a friend’s house, who happened to be older than me in years, he is married and have a kid. I noticed how he constantly say to his child, “Know that daddy loves you”, it would not have caught my attention if that was all but the frequency of his affirmation to his son did.

My initial reaction to that was one of disapproval but on a second thought and being objective, I knew my reaction was negative because it was not what I grew knowing as raising one’s kids. Those from the western world reading the post right now may not understand why someone will be offended because of affirmation given to someone?

In the culture where I come from, the male is suppose to be always right, all powerful and all able. So you see, in this kind of situation it is an aberration for the male to be emotional, infact being emotional as a male shows you are a weakling.

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You are never to show your feelings because in doing it, there is every tendency that your feeling may betray that male chivalry, even though in actual fact it is chauvinism. So to hear the words ” I love you”, is as rare as mining for diamond in this world. That phrase “I love you” was only associated with romantic relationship, and even in such instances they are only whispered between ears (Yes! It is that serous). So for example growing up, I never heard my parents either by chance or intentionally telling each other “I love you”, but of cause there was no denying the fact that both of them can go the extra mile for each other.

I am all grown now, but accepting the fact that you love somone and telling them how you feel was a thing I struggled with for years. I can say now that I have really improved on that aspect. But one thing I will never allow my own unborn children to suffer from is the lack of affirmation from me and my future wife. And these words ” I(we) love you” will not just be an everyday commodity in the house but will be backed with the right actions.

This is where I bring this to a close but before I do, I will say to you, giving your child affirmation is beyond reciting the sentence “I love you”, because if there was any positive that I took growing up with my parents, who never used that sentence for us or in front of us their children, is the fact that we never doubted their love for us. I still think they could have done better from time to time tell us how they love us their children, for every human love to be affirm whether young or old.