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The Killing of Me – part 15

There are so many ifs in my suicide.

So many moments I could have stopped, could have done differently, spoken differently.

Looking back I could see the moments as if they were circled.

If I would have spoken to Kelly before I began the process to foster Owen and he made it clear  that he would not participate, would I have paused? Would I have weighed the value of Kelly to that of Owen?

If I investigated Owen a bit more, learning of his psychological issues, realising I was not qualified to manage such a child, then would I have taken him?

That was an ‘If’ I ought have done first. That is the key error.

If I would have waited, let time pass  let our relationship mature,…,then when Kelly was ready to foster, or ready to marry and start a family…

I had to see Kelly, face to face, talk to him. Apologise, admit I was wrong.

What do you think?

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Written by jaylar

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