There are so many ifs in my suicide.
So many moments I could have stopped, could have done differently, spoken differently.
Looking back I could see the moments as if they were circled.
If I would have spoken to Kelly before I began the process to foster Owen and he made it clear that he would not participate, would I have paused? Would I have weighed the value of Kelly to that of Owen?
If I investigated Owen a bit more, learning of his psychological issues, realising I was not qualified to manage such a child, then would I have taken him?
That was an ‘If’ I ought have done first. That is the key error.
If I would have waited, let time pass let our relationship mature,…,then when Kelly was ready to foster, or ready to marry and start a family…
I had to see Kelly, face to face, talk to him. Apologise, admit I was wrong.