borthwickjoel
“Why hasn’t he called?”
This is the single most popular question from girls, but one that’s nearly impossible to answer. Every guy is different, every gal is different, every situation is different. There’s no way for us to know why your particular guy hasn’t called or asked you out or asked you again.
Still, I hate to leave you empty-handed, so here’s a handy list from our friends at Loveawake.com of possible reasons a guy might not call. Consult the list any time you think you should be hearing from a guy but don’t, and choose whichever reason(s) might apply to your situation.
Why hasn’t he called?
1. He’s dead.
2. He’s in a coma.
3. He has amnesia. Who are you?
4. He was abducted by aliens.
5. He is an alien and returned to his home planet.
6. He’s not attracted to you.
7. He thinks you aren’t attracted to him.
8. He knows you aren’t attracted to him.
9. It was a pity date for one or both of you.
10. He’s married.
11. You’re married.
12. You’re married to each other and don’t need to use a telephone to talk.
13. He thinks you’re hot but doesn’t think you two are a good match.
14. He decided he’d rather date dudes.
15. He got drafted into the army and sent to Afghanistan.
16. He joined the French Foreign Legion.
17. He decided to follow some shitty band (Phish or Grateful Dead or whoever’s still alive) around the country.
18. He lost his voice, and you wouldn’t be able to see his sign language over the phone.
19. He just heard that Corey Haim died and is in mourning.
20. He lost all his fingers in a knitting accident and has no way to dial a phone.
21. He realized it wouldn’t be as easy to get into your pants as he first thought.
22. You slept with him and that’s all he wanted.
23. He regrets sleeping with you on the first date because he really likes you but feels like a whore now.
24. He drank too much on a date and made an ass of himself, so now he’s too embarrassed to call.
25. You drank too much and made an ass of yourself, now he’s too turned off to call.
26. He has no penis and realized that this could become an issue with you down the road.
27. He went off his meds and thinks you are a succubus out to destroy him.
28. You’re a virgin.
29. You’re not a virgin.
30. He can’t accept that your sex number is higher than his, even though you’ve only been with two guys.
31. He’s a virgin and is scared of what you might do to him in bed.
32. He’d rather spend time with his best girl, Fistina.
33. He already has three families in three different cities, and getting involved with another woman might spread him too thin.
34. You admitted that you hate giving blowjobs.
35. You think the Coen brothers are a brand of bagels.
36. You want a bad boy and he’s not one.
37. Jesus told him not to date you.
38. You didn’t like Avatar, which was like the COOLEST MOVIE EVER, duh!! What’s wrong with you?
39. You didn’t offer to go Dutch on your last date.
40. He took you to Medieval Times and you didn’t like it.
41. Your intelligence threatens him.
42. Your ignorance disgusts him.
43. He’s an android and his memory was rebooted.
44. Your inner man-hater showed herself.
45. He realized his true love is his work.
46. On your date, you did all the talking and none of the listening.
47. You didn’t laugh at his teeny weeny peeny, but he could tell that you wanted to.
48. He realized that you want a man who will be faithful, and knows he is incapable of that.
49. He thinks he’s too good for you.
50. He thinks you’re too good for him.
51. He spontaneously combusted.
52. His mommy doesn’t like you.
53. He is Tiger Woods and got caught.
54. You admitted that you fart sometimes.
55. You admitted that you poop sometimes.
56. He went through a wormhole and now exists in another dimension.
57. You don’t play World of Warcraft.
58. He wants a woman with bigger boobs.
59. He wants a woman with smaller boobs.
60. He wants a woman with real boobs.
61. He is a boob.
62. Only one of you is 420-friendly.
63. You called him on his BS.
64. You didn’t tell him enough how awesome he is.
65. He’s still hung up on his ex, which is why he talked about her all night long.
66. You talked about your ex all night long.
67. You don’t get Office Space.
68. He’s broke.
69. He’s in jail.
70. He’s in the Witness Protection Program and was relocated.
71. He’s in the Jehovah’s Witness Protection Program and was sent to knock on doors in another state.
72. He’s in the Nutless Self-Protection Program — he likes you a lot, but he’s too chicken to ask you out again.
73. You beat him at bowling.
74. You laughed when he asked if you were into S&M.
75. You had something in your teeth.
76. He has something up his ass.
77. His breath smelled like ass but he didn’t realize it until he got home.
78. He was a figment of your imagination.
79. You are dead but don’t know it, so when you thought you were on that date with him, only your ghost was there. He couldn’t see you, of course, so he has no idea you even exist. And you thought it was something you said.
80. It was something you said.
81. There just wasn’t any chemistry or spark. Neither of you did anything wrong. It happens.
So you see? It could be him, it could be you, it could be anything. Maybe it’s best not to worry too much about it and just move on. A girl could melt her brain trying to figure out why guys do the things we do. Most of us don’t even know why ourselves.
I am actually speechless