Shortened Shakespeare

Did you always find Shakespeare’s plays to be far too long to hold your attention? Here’s an alternative – five plays reduced to exactly 100 words each!

Can you work out what the plays are? (It shouldn’t be too difficult!)

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Murder in our house was bound to cause problems. Was it my wife’s idea or those three old ladies? People are getting suspicious, so another guy has to die. Shame he keeps coming back. Time to have another word with the old ladies. The news is not good, but I can always bump off another guy they say is a threat, and I’ll be fine because woods just don’t move.

Oh dear. It’s all gone horribly wrong. My wife’s gone completely doolally, my guys have killed the wrong people, and it appears that woods can move after all. I’m dead.

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Murder most foul needs to be avenged. Dad told me so, despite being dead. I’m in two minds about all this, though, and I’d like to put it off for as long as possible. Trouble is, the wrong people keep dying, including my girlfriend’s dad. It’s maddening, and not just for me. I put on a play to make my uncle feel guilty, and I think it worked. However, I think uncle’s trying to do me in. It’s all getting very confusing and there won’t be many of us left alive by the end. That includes me, it would appear.

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I know I’m a bit on the young side, but I really fancy him and he’s ever so romantic. It’s a shame he keeps killing people in swordfights, though. Problem is – my dad and his can’t stand each other. We’re going to get married anyway, and there’s a cunning plan so that we can stay together.

Damn! It’s all gone wrong. My guy’s killed himself, due to a bit of a misunderstanding and I’m going to have to do so too. Mind you, if our families can stop squabbling with each other, it might not be so bad after all.

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Do my daughters love me? It seems that two of them do, so they can have my kingdom. The third one’s hopeless, though. I’ll go and stay with the two decent ones in turn, along with my mates.

It seems as though they’re not so keen on the idea after all.

Who are my true friends? It’s hard to tell, especially when everyone starts fighting each other, putting eyes out and nearly jumping off the white cliffs of Dover. I tell you, it’s sending me stark staring mad.

I’ve found daughter number three, but we’ve both been captured. We’re dead.

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It seemed like a fair deal to me. No interest on the loan, just a little bit of fatal violence should the guy default.

There’s a clever young lady who’s just got married, thanks to an arrangement by which the guy beat the opposition by proving himself to be neither greedy nor vain. It appears that his friend is the guy who has defaulted on the loan. I’d better get the knife sharp.

And now some lawyer is trying to stop me, on a pure technicality. It turns out that it’s the lady I just mentioned, in disguise. Whoops!

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