Days go by when there is nothing but the monster hanging around.
The monster is that feeling within and you cannot stop, its the fear and all the anger that is trapped with no where to go. Unused energy that is busting to get out, the monster.
One word caused the monster to rise up and take stand up, waiting for a moment to pounce. Beatrice.
No matter what anger rose up and filled the monster, my monster.
The monster wouldn`t allow sleep. The monster wouldn`t allow food.
I needed to unleash this monster but how?
I got into the car and I drove, I ended up at a place where I had been done wrong, I wanted it made right and now the monster fueled me to be brave to let it do all my bidding.
Once there, in the presence of this man, the monster disappeared. His calmness wouldn`t allow my monster to run my mind. I liked this man, he was nice and was not the cause of the monster.
Back home I paced the Room… There the monster, boiling again.
Okay…. yes its his fault, he did this. His sign to me, laughing from the grave. I will go cuss the dead!
As I leave I see the repairman, I ask “Do you want me to leave the door unlocked?” He said “No” and i told him I would be back later, the monster growing again. The repairman said “Be careful Miss Angie.”
There, what the hell was that? The monster was …. it was…. this mans calmness was telling the monster to stop.
In the car, I could hear that word again, the one that caused the monster, but I refused to stomp the gas and drive 90 miles an hour, although part of me wanted to, it was my way of controlling something, my monster.
I made my way to the store, before I forget my saw. The checkout lady was so nice, my monster left. I told her how wonderful she is.
But once alone in the car…. my monster.
On the way to cuss the dead, determined to cuss the dead, I talked to God because with each passing moment I was becoming smaller and smaller, the monster was all consuming.
I gave up!
I just gave up and said ” I can`t do this anymore, I do not want free will, you do it. You take control guide all my words and ways, put me where you want me.”
But that monster….. strong. I turned off to the graveyard, cuss the dead, it was his fault. I make each turn, the monster boiling. I pull in and at the very grave I wanted to cuss stood a man, his truck blocking me, his presence interfering with the mother of all cussing to be given. He held a weed eater, as I passed he smiled and waved.
Going back out I took a deep breathe and said out loud, “okay, okay”
At home I sat down, where the monster began… no food and no sleep, feeling beat down, lifeless.
I gave up!
I cried and then I allowed the words to come, within a short time, the monster, my monster was gone. I was once again calm and all I could hear was Peter saying ” My love, take my hand and I will show you the way.” All hope was back, I was filled with positive energy once again.
By Andria Perry
Photos by pixabay.