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How to Survive An Affair

For the one that is cheated-on, instead of isolating yourself, speak about your feelings with loved ones and friends, look for meaningful new experiences to help heal your bruised sense of value.

It’s important to get an understanding of why the cheating happened, Perel recommends using only “investigative” questions (“Why did this happen? Did you feel you had lost something that you were no longer getting in our relationship?

Did you think of the children, or of me?”), as opposed to the “detective” style of questions that just keep harping about the gory, hurtful, details of the affair (“How often did it happen?”). Your goal has to ultimately determine if you can heal your relationship and how you can come back together after the affair, into what Perel calls “a second marriage with the same person.”

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