jaylar
There are people who used to be in your life. Maybe they were colleagues or neighbours, maybe even relatives.
Something happened; and now they are ex-colleagues, ex-neighbours, ex-relatives. These are people you have cut out of your life and would not include their name in a guest list.
Some have really hurt you. Some, not so much.
To harbour grudges, to stew in memories, is a waste of time and effort and brain cells. You have to become indifferent.
It can not be that if you see them you immediately remember that….
You have to push the past into the past and you do that, with persons who mean little to you by simple distraction.
When you see Bob, you stole your project, or Mrs. Grabby who was a noisy nasty neighbour, concentrate on their hair, or jacket or shoes, or anything to divert your attention, and the memory.
Instead of seeing; (oh that nasty Bob who stole that project…) see…(looks like he’s dyed his hair). This simple distraction works wonders.
For you never want to dig up old pains for nothing.
i can honestly say i failed miserably in maintaining a relationship with my ex. But, now that 30 years have passed it no longer is a concern for me.
I find that if I loved or cared about someone once I can’t pretend I didn’t. I flush the anger and antagonism and go for bland.
in my case, i didn’t see my ex for nearly 10 years, and when we did meet again it wasn’t on terms that she could accept.
With me, it was all the past. I’d moved on. My ex was as significant in my life as someone I sat next to in primary school. Nothing he could do or say could in any way engage any emotion.
mine just disappeared from my life very quickly (her choice) and then until she needed something was gone for nearly 5 years.
I’ve had people who have been out of my life jump up because they think I can help them. In most cases, nope
i try to help people in all cases, but my ex wanted something that really wasn’t mine to give.
It remind me of an plot line in Holby City. Woman gave a child up for adoption when she was twelve….then shows up because she needs a kidney like 20 years later.
interesting isn’t it overall.
My ex hasn’t communicated with me since her embarrassment around 10 years ago.
Mine has no one so every so often does an email recycle. I know his faults so it is pretty easy for me.
Mine is the 11th of 13 kids. lots of brothers and sisters. She is just a very angry person.
so it is best for me to stay away.
There are people who are damaged for whatever reason in whatever category. Once you determine that, space is the best decision.
you are right, it is a very hard decision to come to though.
It was my ex who started these brief emails every month. He’d post, I’d respond, he’s respond, I’d post…nothing until next month. Easy.
When you realise you can not help that all that is happening is making things worse, you have to back away.
that is very true, hard to walk away but the right thing to do
There are people who have issues and although you try it doesn’t work. It keeps repeating.
I had one situation in which the whole ‘fantasy’ a person held was completely disproven..(to give an easy example, a. person claims you pushed them down the steps at the bank and the bank has no steps).
After a pause, there was a reboot back to repeat the same thing.
that is always difficult, sorry you went through that.
I tell you I was amazed. But then, I just cut all ties. There was no sense. I realised that holding to a fantasy was key.
the reality is that we all wish for more. We all wish for something. We as humans have to be responsible enough to realize that wishing doesn’t make something true.
Every year I send ecards on birthdays So I get this long diatribe from a recipient who whines about how ecards don’t take much time to select unlike a paper card and blah blah.
So I never sent another ecard. Never made a phone call, just erased the date.
That is how it is with some people.
You just cut them loose
it is true, some you just have to cut loose!
I only took 3 terms of psychology. I am not qualified to deal with whack jobs. A person who is erratic, who has all kinds of issues, gets a nice wide berth from me.
my wife is a mental health care professional, she keeps an even wider berth
She knows that there are people who need more help that one can randomly give them.
it is a hard job all the way around
Some things are just better left alone.
You can never predict that you won’t run into one of these people at the supermarket or petrol station, so if you ‘train’ yourself to distract, the meeting won’t be as uncomfortable.
Very true, we have to prepare in advance all of the what if scenarios.
i recall preparing to encounter a Boss From Hell and practiced so when I saw him, he stopped dead, I smiled, “Good Morning’ and kept walking.