Ghostwriter
My husband’s oldest son is very opinionated and quite self-absorbed. He lived about 50 miles away from us when he and his second wife (I think there could be more) – had a child and we didn’t know anything about it until the baby was born. On my excursion, we saw him and found out that he has a four-year-old child we had never heard of and there was a woman there who was clearly the mother, and some older children. Don’t really know anything else except the children said that we are their grandparents and we are behind on gifts. (Didn’t even know they existed.) No one volunteered to explain who was who – we were just grandparents. This is a kind of family I simply don’t understand. My husband points out that I love children and should just assume everyone I meet is a grandchild. I am still a little worn out, shocked, and trying to figure if the trip was about the burial and my issues or about meeting a whole different branch of the family I knew nothing about.
Today I got a list of first names and birthdays, with a note that said I assume you want to make up for lost birthdays. It was not signed but I assume it came from a parent.
I said thank you and asked if they could go to the cemetery and make certain everything was cleared and put away. (They live about three blocks away.)
There was a voice mail on the phone that explained they didn’t feel comfortable going to check on things at the cemetery. I am doing my best to work it out here in my head and not get into drama over it. So I called the cemetery and told them I would send some money for someone to do it. (I left $50.00, but apparently that is the customary tip for I don’t know what.) I am so tempted to say about the birthdays – I am quite old and have never received a card for any of you – let’s call it even.
I will be happy to send the kids cards. I have it off my chest now.
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Question of
Do you realize how much I trust you to help me with real life decisions?
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Yes
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Question of
Do often find surprises that you need nothing about?
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Yes
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Question of
Did you see three questions?
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Yes
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I won’t judge them, because I know nothing about their lives. But just from their comments to you, about being behind with the gifts, that was not very respectful of them. Receiving a gift, is a privilege, not a right.
I guess all people are different. I do love children and I think it is so important they feel unconditional love. I don’t believe my stepchildren ever felt that until their father left, got some healing, and was able to say and show love. It’s not anyone’s “fault”. It just made me sad.
Not judging is admirable and I should work on that. Thanks for the reminder. I have not walked in there shows. I should respect their journey.
I don’t think you did anything wrong at all.
shoes lol – i haven’t walked in thier shows either I guess.
wow that is some serious stuff. Unpack the son first – not communicating with his father that is something I can’t understand. I would pay any amount of money to talk to my dad again.
You have a big heart, i do think your husband is right – just consider everyone your grandchildren!
Well my husband was thrilled when he read your reply. He’s glowing because he’s right. You are both heroes and I hope you never forget that no matter how “out” of sorts I may get. It’s nice to have people bring me back to core believes. The people here do that for me a lot. This is a good place to learn, grow and share.
it really is a great place for us to have a community!
thank you for everything you do for all of us!
That is really some story and totally wrong of them for saying you have anything to make up for. However, now that you know they exist I would say just send birthday cards if you want to,
Well, I made a batch of birthday cards with questions about them and us and promised prizes as we learn about each other. I sent pictures and addressed envelopes, postage and now the ball is in their court. Thanks for all the advice. I really wouldn’t have done that this morning with the guidance of those that are here.
If you ever wonder if what you put here makes a difference. I am here to tell it changes lives.
Dang – I need to be more careful about proofreading.
Thanks for the good to see you. It made me smile.
Life can throw us all curveballs out of left field. Go with your gut instinct on how to read. It will usually guide you the right way. Good luck and good to see you.