Language matters, perhaps even more when you are speaking with children. Children tend to be very literal. They listen to your words and try to make sense of them. “Can’t” implies that it is impossible for the child to do something. If you tell a child he “can’t” do something that he knows he “can” do, his first reaction is to show you that he can. He’s not being naughty, he is being literal.
If you tell a child he shouldn’t do then you are sharing with him your moral belief that it should not be done, at least not at this time. A child has nothing to “prove” if you say he shouldn’t do it. He may not honor your request, and still you have not challenged his abilities.
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Question of
Have you ever used can’t when if should have been shouldn’t?
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Yes
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No
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Question of
Do you believe children are literal?
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Yes
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No
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Question of
Do you spend a lot of time with children?
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Yes
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No
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We should although we really can’t or failed to make it.
It is not just children who are literal – a great deal of humour can be generated by taking the words of one’s fellow adults literally!