All the timing is now set. Tomorrow, Friday, I need to take my brother to our local doctor for some final testing and instructions. Monday he has open-heart surgery. Two valves need to be replaced, a double bypass and stints. This is really his own shot at having that last hunt that he wants so much. I am not brave. I am scared. I am afraid. I feel so alone. For the last 22 years, we have lived in this house. His wife passed away here. I simply have fear. I can’t even pretend to bravely go ahead.
He’s been in so much pain and so ill. He wants this so much. I wish this were a simple nightmare and I could wake up and have things different.
People keep saying have faith. I am not certain I should even have an opinion. It’s so hard to be brave and supportive when you are full of fear and just want to run and hide.
I would gladly take his place. I so wish it were me.