Suicide is defined as taking one’s own life. It implies death. Physical death. But there are other kinds of death. There is the kind of death in which you keep breathing,moving, but inside, you are dead.
People who have been married for years and then lose their partner probably knew the kind of death I speak of. People who lose everything and are left alone probably use the term.
But I, I did it to myself.
Kelly didn’t die or walk out on me, I drove him away.
If I had only thought about what I was doing, I wouldn’t be standing in a strange city, alone, an uncollected bag of garbage, seeing my life end.
I wouldn’t be that woman traveling back’home’ to her empty flat, and living alone.
I did it to myself. I killed myself. I killed the woman I could have been, the future I could have had.
I did it.