If I make the assumption that today will be like yesterday here, then I have very few posts left for today. So in order to do what I love, reach out to people I care about, I have to be smarter about how I post here and if I post here. I am not really certain how many items can be added and if readers will be interested in looking at all of them and commenting. I guess it all depends and what they are trying to accomplish for themselves. “Time will tell.”
My heart is heavy today. I hope I make it through without causing more heartache. My sister just called and she said “I think he’s leaving soon, tell him what he needs to hear.”
I dont’ know what he needs to hear.
Today I have decided to try and have a quick Christmas Rush. Bro is not doing well at all and I am not really certain he will be here for Christmas. I want him to go to the Emergency Room and he won't. He says he will wait until the doctor's office opens and hope they will take him right away.
It's not that he is going to love all the music. He won't even remember it. Still, it will help me remember that he needs me to be patient, kind and let him know that if it's his time I will be okay. Every time I say it he screams "Liar".
I love this music. I hope it carries me through this day and every day I am stuck here.
It needs to come from my heart that somehow I will be okay and he can go. I truly think he is just waiting for my permission. He can see right through me. He told me last night "It will be alright, you will probably die of a broken heart right after I go and we can go together. Maybe that would be perfect. Maybe that's the plan.
Life is so confusing and cruel.