August 2,1985  Lynn, Massachusetts

I went through a self destructive period following the breakup with Revere Girl. I drank a lot of Johnny Walker Red, briefly resumed smoking cigarettes, & had more than a couple of suicidal moments. By mid summer I was tired of trying to make sense of it. I found myself negotiating an exit strategy for my existence. By the first weekend of August I had just about given up. I was  at 27 feeling tired of living. I had promised Ed I would work the weekend at the Children’s group home near Wyoma Square. I didn’t like to disappoint people. Feeling it was one last thing to get out of the way, I decided to go to work that Friday, knowing I had the Scotch and sleeping pills to escape the rest of misery after I came home.

I went to work without much enthusiasm. I didn’t know that decision would change everything. At work I met a girl named Carol Ann. She was easy to talk to, funny, and criminally pretty. After our work we drank some Jack Daniels & smoked a joint of Colombian. I met her at work at 3:30, by midnight we were lovers. The rest of the weekend was like a giddy dream sequence.Saturday morning we took the kids to Canobie Lake, rode roller coasters and ate caramel apples.  That night we took the group to the Middleton Drive In Movie Theater to see Teachers. Sunday we went to a carnival in East Boston. We walked around holding hands & smiling. The weekend flew as did my self destructive thoughts.

After the weekend our Executive Director banned us from working together. When I met Carol Ann I asked her how old she was. She said “Guess.” I said, “I don’t know, around 19?” She said “Around there”. Carol Ann asked me the same question, so I said “Guess”. She said “Around 25?”. I said, close. We never went out after that but remained close friends…I went to her high school graduation party, I helped her strategize on how to get kicked  out of the U.S. Army after she enlisted and discovered it wasn’t for her.

What do you think?

3 points


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  1. I don’t often advocate procrastination but when it comes to suicide, it is in your best interest to postpone the decision just in case something is right around the corner to improve your position or change your mind

    Glad to hear you were dragging your feet

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