No Words

I am unable to find the words and I cannot solve the problems. My brother came home with all kinds of questions from the hospital. I didn’t know the answers and I “need” to work to pay for his insurance, house, operations, and medications. (Not to mention there are others who live in this house as well.) I finally had to yell, “get out of my office, I am working, call your doctor back, or  wait until he calls.” I don’t feel good about that. The last thing he needs is to be yelled at. I know he is scared and needs comfort, I am scared and need comfort as well, but there is no time for that.

My doctor came by early this morning 5:00 am. She knows I am up and preparing for work. “You look like you haven’t slept in months. You are not going to make it if something doesn’t change.”

I simply replied “I have no choices. I am doing the best that I can.”

“Did you take the medication I gave you to sleep?”

“Yes.”

“Did you sleep?”

“No.”

“Did you eat this morning?”

“Yes.”

“Did it stay down?”

“No.”

“You can’t live this way.”

So I just said, “I am aware. I have followed all the advice. I have given it to God. I can barely move and I am doing the best that I can.”

“You have to do better.”