Today I woke up to deep sadness. I cannot explain how overwhelming it is. I looked in the mirror and all I could see in the pain, the anger, and the sadness. It is almost like someone flipped the switch and I lived through it all again just like it was yesterday. The bullies, the suicide, the anger, the rapes, the mistrust, the illness and it’s all just too much. I can’t fix it and I cannot infect others with whatever is happening to me. It seems like all my losses and anger are as fresh as if it all happened this morning.
I bundled up and went for a walk in the cold dark morning, which typically I enjoy and my tears froze. I guess it is an awakening and I can not let others see it. They need to have joy. They need to have hope. They need to celebrate.
This is something new. This is something different.
I need to leave.