Reflecting on a past abusive relationship takes time and must be done slowly.
One needs to be far enough away to view it more objectively. To be able to understand what was done, how it was done.
It takes time, years, to be able to escape the Abuse, the feelings it provoked, and be able to view it without pain.
In many cases, the victim was tricked, deceived, manipulated. It wasn’t that she was stupid or gullible, it is that the Abuser knew what he was doing, and went step by step.
To be able to analyse the relationship, to be able to pluck an event, view it from all sides, see how it was created, see how the actions and reactions were set, grants the ex-victim power.