I stand and look at the sea, and remember when I was Jen Jen. Remember when I was young and silly and insanely in love.
His name was Neil Caruso.
He matched my grid of perfect in those long ago years, and I would have done everything, anything for him.
I used to think about him all the time, I used to draw his picture, and cut and pasted my life to be near him.
I can remember his laugh, how easy and happy it was, and his smile, how it lit a room. I joined clubs to be near him, went to venues in the hopes of seeing him.
I learned he was dating Jinja Amatto. I despised her. I thought her rude and cold and foul mouthed, and because I didn’t like her, I missed all the signs that he did.
I learned of their actual relationship in the worst possible way.
I wanted to invite Neil to a dance and searched for him. Unsuccessful, I turned to one of his friends, Pablo, and asked; “Where’s Neil?”
“He ran off with Jinja…”
“Be serious…” I said.
Pablo laughed, “I am, can you imagine they cut to run off and get married?”
“Well he’s been dating her forever… so… you can’t be surprised.”