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An Absence: A Status Report

I’ve been away for a while, still writing and photographing but on a creative hold. I have more photos than words lately as I see more aspects of light with nothing new or dramatic to mention.

One amazing thing did happen to me recently, I almost broke my shoulder chasing after my son’s dog. My son decided it was time for a dog so he brought Ranger home, he continues to connect me to aspects outside myself.

I have said this before, my son has always been a strong catalyst and connection to God. When he was very young, he had a blood infection and injected faith and desperation to find God and live in faith. As he got older he befriended a very faithful family who brought more connection and strength in my faith.

So now I walk his dog, I was actually writing a to someone about God’s work in my life and suddenly the dog pulled away. I found myself in a panic, jumping after his lead, not once but twice and the second time I landed on my shoulder.

Immediately, I was resentful of God, even as I was trying to stand up and not pass out, I felt angry about the injury and what God was telling me. I quickly found out,  having an injury allowed me to not only focus but not take things for granted.

I have been unable to lift my arm above my head and I have felt helpless, angry and a little depressed. Now I am slowly recovering and had the amazing and painful feeling of raising my left arm. I realize how much we lose sight of the simplest things, not since I slipped a disk and recovered have I felt so aware and appreciative of being able to simply lift my arm.

When you are grateful every day, things you took for granted tend to expand and this is where we find and truly feel joy. My son continues to connect me to my faith and his next step is going into the service, he wants to be an Army Ranger, that’s how the dog got his name.

How does a dad let go of a son who is his best friend? This is something I’ve struggled with for several months  ; my message to him—I’ve told him for years to trust in God and now how can I do anything but continue to trust in his plan for my son and me.

It is easy to trust God when nothing bad is happening, your faith can quickly become just rhetoric when something real happens and you scramble. My greatest opportunity to show him my strength in faith and the truth in previous words is to not fret but to realize God has a bigger plan. I choose faith over fear and it is truly a comfort to me.

What do you think?

6 points

Written by stevelinebaugh

Oil painter and pastel artist, writer, photographer, graphic designer,
originally from New Jersey

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  1. Sorry so late in seeing this one. You have so much to be thankful for. I am sure your son knows of your love for him. You will always be there for him no matter where he is.
    The puppy brought a smile. So glad to read how well you are doing.

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