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Alice Is Everything Pattaya Isn’t!

Let me explain.

Alice is a Thai baby and she’s two years old. Pattaya is a fun city and its facelift is about fifty years old.

Pattaya is full of girls without financial clout or support. Well, that’s fine as long as they haven’t any children. Eeerrr, they have! Add to the equation, a large family and three buffaloes in hospital. Yes, you’ve guessed. They’re looking for social security. It’s called farang. We provide. They pleasure you….but can they pleasure you when under immense financial pressure? Eeerrr, no.

Now, I’m in the same boat as you, mate, committed to helping an ailing, Isaan, extended family, and you can take it from me, it’s no paradise. However, I do have an advantage. I’ve been here ten years and I’m deluded enough to believe I know the ropes. I know the girls I’m referring to arrive in Pattaya, a Pattaya that is recommended to them by friends, family or village mamasans, and they talk to you in the hopes of finding a sugar daddy. Things can develop from there but the scenario is pretty much set in concrete. And the results are depressingly similar. After a romantic beginning, rot sets in, and the rot is to do with lust, money, education (the lack of it), and cross-cultural complications. In the final analysis, I’m talking about being honest in a friendship or relationship, and Pattaya finds it difficult to be honest even when conversing with a fly.

In comes the heroine of this piece. Her name or nickname, as mentioned, is Alice. She is two years old and as genuine as your best grandmama’s home-cooked cup-cakes. Her spontaneity makes life on earth shoot off to the dearest, loveliest planet in the starry galaxy where glorious rainbows and illuminations light your mind. She warms the cockles of your very heart and pulls its strings every minute of every day because you know what you are up against. You are up against genuine baby – no materialistic manipulation, no hidden agendas, nothing other than baby-thoughts, and truth! Wow!!! You’ve found it, and with your find, Pattaya fades into the background, and you live a genuine relationship! With a baby!!! For a very limited period of time, unfortunately (about six years?)…but you seize the day!!!

I know Pattaya stalwarts everywhere will disagree with me about my contention that relationships are “genuinely” false here…but if you base any communication on money, you are going against the unarticulated rules of the universe. Alice isn’t because she is two. That’s just one of the reasons why the springs of joy overflow in her presence. The pop song asks, “Who the fuck is Alice?” and you know what my answer is to those smart alecs? “Who the fuck are you to ask?”

What do you think?

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