jaylar
Right after the divorce Gabi began her acting out, because Daniel had always let her have her way.I didn’t.
There were bedtimes, there were nutritional meals, there was proper behaviour. There was school work to be done before television is watched.
She knew if she lived with Daniel she could do whatever she wanted which is why she always would cry out that she wanted to live with him.
When finally his work load had eased and he had time I could use it to get rid of Gabi.
I provoked an argument just before summer break, and she ‘won’ and got to spend it with her father. She also got Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving and every weekend.
This meant I could actually have a life. I could date. I could meet someone. And I met Brad.
I always wonder why parents consider giving up on their kids.
Depends on the kids and on the parents. Depends on the circumstances.
For example, this happened a while back;
the parents were in dire financial straits and sent the little child to a grandparent while they got on their feet.
Two years later, the grandparent convinced the parents that the boy was better off with her for the time being as they had just started in their careers.
Four years later, the boy didn’t want to leave grandma.
This happened a long time ago. So when you hear the 40 year old ‘infant’ explaining and attributing his failures to his parent’s ‘abandonment’. …
as you said afar too many variables.
What is necessary is that children are raised to have a certain inner strength and to somehow stand on their own two feet. Parents shouldn’t allow kids to eat their lives. What happens when the parents are dead?
or that children know and understand love.
You have to make them feel loved. I know kids who grew up in horrific circumstances but always felt their mother loved them.
it is very true and very critical
When a child feels loved it is so different. I recall a very poor girl who got pregnant, was thrown out, was taken in, and her son was born and grew there while she completed school.
Every weekend she took him to the pier to see the cruise ships come in and would make up stories about them going on a cruise.
Everything he had when growing up was second hand, but he did well at school, went to college.
He never felt deprived or poor.
i can recite 10000 stories like that, and 10000 stories that are the opposite. Love is important I agree.
He never knew he was poor, he never felt his family situation was strange, as he puts it, he could have been living in the typical family. That’s because of his mother’s love and the people he lived with, whom he called Aunt and Uncle made him feel loved and safe.
Barrack Obama said he always knew his mother loved him.
But I can name 200 the other way as well whose parents loved them but they didn’t turn out as nice people.
love is a piece. but one piece.
What I found remarkable is that the child who doesn’t have anything, no THINGS will not feel deprived if s/he feels loved.
love is important, sometimes it is the best thing. Sometimes love isn’t enough/
When a child doesn’t feel ignored or denied or insignificant, they grow with a confidence. Whether the parents have money or not, it’s the feeling of being wanted.
what nourishes the soul that is good for us.
what we need and want are a part of us.
there are many kids that grew up poor that became angry. There are many kids that grew up rich and they became angry.
the common thread in many of those is not the love of a parent. There are some that are disconnected from the world at birth.
If a kid is born with Down’s or some other defect, but when not, a lot depends on nurture. Sure there are the evil nannies who turn the kids against the folks, etc.
there are many stories both ways.
Point is, if parents try and do their best, there is no more that can be done. Too many parents let their kids run rampant and never parent them so they grow themselves.
that is the rule of life. Try, do your best. leave the rest on the doorstep.