After the relationship with the abuser, when one begins to date, suspicion is often in the front of one’s mind. Is this guy an Abuser?
For example everything is a ‘surprise’.
“Where are we going?”
“I’m going to surprise you!”
So he takes you to this place…
If it is somewhere you’ve always talked about, well, he’s trying to fulfil your dream. If it is the latest or the top or the best, okay. If the surprise is a rare occasion, fine. But note how many times the surprise happens.
A Recovered Victim of Abuse knows the Abuser has to have everything ‘his’ way. “Surprise” makes her uncomfortable, because it is ‘his’ way. It is a devious method to get his way.
What needs to be done is to ‘test’ it.
She makes arrangements to go somewhere. When he calls, she tells him that they are going to (wherever).
If he gets angry, if he says he’s not going, if he reluctantly comes and acts annoyed, then her suspicions are realised.
He uses ‘surprise’ to gain control. To be ‘in charge’ of her movements. It is no jump that Mr. Surprise, will, if she marries him, ensure everything is his way.